The Darkest Silliest Stupidest Timeline (2017)

When I did my post, Up until now, we've been dealing with the CALM and RATIONAL Donald Trump, I had a bunch of other news items that I wanted to include, but decided not to, because the post was long enough already, and would pace it out over the course of the new year.  The sheer amount of material was overwhelming.  Binging a long-running series is hard enough when trying to recall every pertinent detail without helpful recaps, and we're experiencing a real-life event in real time.

However, recent events have destroyed what sense of time we have.  On a self-imposed quarantine when every day becomes indistinguishable from one day from the next, keeping a chronological rundown of how things came to this point becomes even harder to maintain.  I intended to do a post about the history of US/Iran relations, but had trouble finding the comic I had in mind, and by the time I finally found it, events had moved on since then.  (Remember when the last major headline grabber was tense US/Iran relations?  Good times.)

So with that in mind, here's my running comments from 2017.  I'm sure most of these have passed public awareness by now.  Anything that's happened over the past month has vanished into the ether.

"This isn't the End of The Beginning, it's the Beginning of The End."

Oh, God, this whole past three years has been nothing but PROLOGUE.

This is how the world ends, not with a whimper, but with every disaster movie at once?

"Infinity War is the most ambitious crossover ever!"

*Trump Disaster Movie* "Hold my beer."

Trump says he's getting 'tremendous accolades' on hurricane prep

This is also tangentially related to Trump’s willful selective hearing of the current impeachment hearings, where he refuses to believe all the bad news he’s hearing.  I'm constantly reminded of the Head Camp Counselor, Mr. Warden, in Gordon Korman's I WANT TO GO HOME! who, after suffering a massive flooding and storm, at the end of the Parent/Camper meeting, said,

"And so, another successful Parents' Visiting Day draws to a close."

"What does he mean 'successful'?"

"That's just his end of visiting day speech. He only has one, and it doesn't include floods."

At the White House, Trump Takes Selfies and Seethes Over Mueller

"You just haven't been screaming at it long enough for it to find better opportunities elsewhere! If they didn't want to build up mutated cells worthy of the Trump brand, they weren't worthy of the Trump name!"

Trump is so angry about the Mueller probe, he mostly just eats and watches TV

How would a woman handle a scandal again? They'd just pig out on Ice Cream while watching awful Soaps, right?

Firing James Comey was regarded as one of the dumbest political mistakes in the modern era

“President Trump’s firing of FBI Director James Comey is rightly seen as a terrific legal blunder: He undercut an investigation that might have shown he never colluded with the Russians, and spawned one that could result in obstruction of justice charges.” 

“Regardless of the legal outcome, it’ll go down as one of the dumbest political mistakes in the modern era.”

"Hold my beer."

One of the Swice Chamber commentators pointed out that Comey's statement reads like an HR complaint about sexual harassment, right down to stalkerish denials on the office phone.

Comey: Trump asked me to investigate ‘pee tape’ to reassure Melania

"I was just sitting at the corner of the Presidential bedroom where Obama was, when these high-quality hookers came up out of nowhere, and started peeing all over his bed! Totally unprompted! I have no idea how they got past security!"

The ironic thing is, if Trump simply STOPPED using his dreaded Twitter account, he could be PERCEIVED as being a scarily COMPETENT President.

Ryan denies GOP would try to impeach Dem accused of same actions as Trump

Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI) insisted that Republicans wouldn’t be calling for the impeachment of a Democratic president accused of the same actions as President Trump.
Said Ryan: “No. I don’t think we would, actually. I don’t think that’s at all the case.”

"Can we have that quote in writing? I want you to explicitly sign your name on a form with this exact quote for later."

Ousted White House strategist Stephen Bannon said a new phase of the Trump presidency will now begin and it will likely be “less willfully disruptive.”

“...will likely be “less willfully disruptive,”
Ha hah HAH HAH HAH, Lol, Nope. Wishful thinking.

Trump is struggling to stay calm on Russia, one morning call at a time“President Trump has a new morning ritual. Around 6:30 a.m. on many days — before all the network news shows have come on the air — he gets on the phone with a member of his outside legal team to chew over all things Russia.”
(...)
“By the time the president arrives for work in the Oval Office, the thinking goes, he will no longer be consumed by the Russia probe that he complains hangs over his presidency like a darkening cloud. It rarely works, however. Asked whether the tactic was effective, one top White House adviser paused for several seconds and then just laughed.”

"It's GOT to Work! We're going to do this over and over until we get it RIGHT! That's the surest sign of sanity, right?"

“I HATE EVERYONE IN THE WHITE HOUSE!”: TRUMP SEETHES AS ADVISERS FEAR THE PRESIDENT IS “UNRAVELLING”

Several people close to President Trump have told Gabriel Sherman that the president is “unstable,” “losing a step,” and “unraveling.”

“Trump’s ire is being fueled by (...) his decision last month to back the losing candidate Luther Strange in the Alabama Republican primary.”

Said one person: “Alabama was a huge blow to his psyche. He saw the cult of personality was broken.”

In Call With Times Reporter, Trump Projects Air of Calm Over Charges

President Trump called the New York Times to insist that he was not “angry at anybody” and that investigations into his campaign’s links to Russia had not come near him personally.
Said Trump: “I’m not under investigation, as you know.”
After noting his “fantastic poll numbers” he said: “I’m in the office early and leave late; it’s very smooth. Honestly, I’m really enjoying it.”

"I AM TOTALLY CALM."

Trump’s mental derangement (though one could say he was always deranged) started back when Michael Flynn was indicted and pled guilty, way back in... December 2017?  Several lifetimes ago?  Back when the Mueller investigation was in full swing.

Keep in mind that despite what you see on TV, most actual criminal procedures take an astoundingly long time.  The rate that Mueller did his probe with a tightly controlled staff, allowing no leaks, operated at what was considered lightspeed.  And that was over the course of two years.

To be fair, considering the length of time it takes to conduct a Criminal Investigation, THIS is considered speedy.

Michael Flynn Pleads Guilty to Lying to the F.B.I. and Will Cooperate With Russia Inquiry

Perhaps most important, Brian Ross reports that Flynn is prepared to testify that as a candidate, Trump “directed him to make contact with the Russians.”

Judge postpones Michael Flynn's sentencing

It’s been often remarked that Trump could get away with more of his crimes if he could just SHUT UP.  That lesson could apply to his cronies too.

“At the time of sentencing, Flynn had so much dirt that the Prosecutor recommended zero years for sentencing, and Flynn screwed it up so badly he almost went away for Treason.  How much of an idiot do you have to be to have the PROSECUTION recommend you walk, and then screw it up so badly that you talk your way into almost doing time ANYWAY?  Who in god's name doesn't understand that when the prosecutor says "you know what, your honor, we're good, let's let this one go" that you need to SHUT UP AND NOD?”

"The Prosecution recommended 0 days of jail. I'm tempted to add an extra digit starting with the number one for every remark you make."

"Your Honor, sir..."

"100 days now."

Donald Trump was interviewed by Leslie Stahl on 60 Minutes just after the election:
STAHL: “Are you going to be tweeting?”
TRUMP: “I’m going to be very restrained, if I use it at all.”

And then, a week after the Flynn revelation, Trump tweeted, “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.”

Trump unchained: staff leaves, hardline ideas rise

“If you ask some close to President Trump what worries them most about 2018, it’s not Robert Mueller’s probe. It’s that establishment guardrails of 2017 come down — and Trump’s actual instincts take over,” Axios reports.

“Next year will bring ‘full Trump,’ said one person who recently talked to the president.”

Psychologist warns Trump’s mental state is rapidly deteriorating — and he may be ‘on the boundary of psychosis and reality’

“Oh, good. Just what the country needs. Trump going even MORE unhinged.”

Senior Trump admin official Mina Chang resigns after embellishing resumé

"Wait... what ELSE have you faked?"

"Man Up" is 99% bad advice. I'm sure there's a situation that calls for it, but I can't think of any.

The best situation to use it would be whenever Trump has a temper tantrum about anything ever.

Regarding Mueller, I'm going to share an observation from Paul F. P. Pogue, one of the politically smartest guys I know who reads the current climate better than anybody else in the room. The following is his insight on the guilty verdicts of Michael Cohen and Paul Manafort:

"Honestly? We don't know yet. I will, however, point out a fallacy in the background you're working from: the fact that these investigations have stopped short of reaching the top. 

In nearly all cases, we don't know WHERE these investigations have ended up or stopped short. Because – and this cannot be repeated often enough – Robert Mueller runs literally the most leak-proof operation in the history of Washington. The Manhattan Project didn't exercise as perfect a round of OPSEC as the Mueller investigation has. They do not leak. EVER. We do NOT know what is on Mueller's mind and he and his people are not giving away their intel, at all, under any circumstances. 

The individual investigations aren't stopping short, not exactly; they are goddamn near EVAPORATING. And there's a reason for that. Because the investigations are running into a big wall of silence known as "plea deal time", and a good prosecutor runs ABSOLUTELY SILENT because he doesn't want his targets to know exactly what he knows. 

Consider Michael Flynn, the highest-value flip so far. Flynn pleaded guilty and turned fed's evidence IN TWENTY SEVENTEEN. Nine goddamn months ago. And that man has disappeared off the face of the earth and ever since that time, we have heard NOTHING from him, and every time the judge in the case wants to get somewhere, Mueller's people call another time-out. There's only one reason to do that: because they're not done with him yet. He is singing like a canary and has been for months, and the sentencing phase will give away exactly how much he's told them. 

Manafort's trial is basically a great big squeeze on Mueller's part to get Manafort to cooperate. There's a reason none of the charges actually involve Trump: Mueller is charging these people with all the OTHER stuff he can pin on them in hopes they'll flip on the big fish. Once again, charging them with Trump-related stuff means giving away some of the cards. 

And Cohen? Dear god, COHEN. "Cohen flips" are the two biggest words in the entire Trump scandal dictionary. This is, no joke, the "SCOTUS demands Nixon hand over tapes" moment. This is PRECISELY where it all starts to crash down in an impossible-to-escape way for Trump. 

Because Cohen is the single most dangerous person in the world to Trump. Cohen knows more about the Russian collusion than Trump does. He probably knows more about the Russian collusion than PUTIN does. I GUARANTEE Cohen knows for sure if the pee tape is real or not. Every single dirty deal Trump ever got himself into, Cohen did all the real work on. 

Cohen knows everything. He's the dude who made shit happen. By HIS AND TRUMP'S OWN ADMISSION, he was authorized to spend six-figure sums on Trump's behalf without Trump's knowledge. He's Tom Hagen to Trump's Corleone. Every single dirty thing that ever happened since the day he entered Trump's life, Cohen was in the room or on the phone. 

And that guy is, at this very moment, negotiating to rat Trump out."

Remember when the Mueller investigation was in full effect?  And Robert Mueller was our best hope for getting rid of Trump?

Things Are So Bad For Paul Manafort He Now Has To Wear Two GPS Monitoring Bracelets

"Just be glad you weren't wearing FIVE Bracelets."

"What do you need one around my neck for?"

"Six now."

FBI Conducts Raid at Trump Lawyer Cohen’s Office, Attorney Says

"I never knew Michael Cohen in all the years he worked for me!"

"I know many people are filled with glee about the Cohen development. I’m personally terrified that today is Bolton’s first day on the job, in the midst of what is soon to be a full scale Trump meltdown."

"This is what Gen. Kelly is paid for. I'm sure that doesn't make you feel any better."

The DOJ didn’t notify Trump they were raiding his attorney."

Let that sink in.

It was mentioned online that Trump was watching the raid live as it went down.  If true, his reaction would’ve gone from

“This TV show is really realistic!"
to:
"This raid is so unrealistic! Fake News!"

When was the last time the President: (a) caused the stock market to crash, (b) killed a man in one of his properties; (c) had the FBI raid his lawyer, all in a few days?

Dow’s 400-point rally is nearly erased in final hour on report of FBI raid of Trump’s lawyer

"If I'd known the FBI was raiding my Lawyer's office, I would've sold earlier!"

Trump doesn’t seem to like being president. So why not quit?

His pride would never allow him to abandon what's essentially the highest possible position of power (even if that power is illusory) without finding a way to stick it to whoever's next in succession, and a large cash payout. And as he is now, in a political field, not a business one, he's sorely out of his element.

Also, he'd never outright Admit that he became President, not through his own power, but from outside help.

The GOP That Failed: The party didn’t decide. And now Republicans are stuck with Trump.

One ironic instance of how Trump fails where normal Politicians would excel in - anytime a Leader in Charge is under threat of scandal or the hint of a scandal, they divert their voter's attention by declaring war on a country far away from them. We're fortunate enough that Trump is too incompetent to even consider declaring such an act, since it'd divert attention away from himself.

It’s easy to fact check Trump’s lies. He tells the same ones all the time.

Here's an easier way - his lips are moving.

All the President’s Lawyers

New York Times: “There may never be enough Trump Lawyers to get the job done. The work is hard, sometimes even humiliating. In fact, the one irreducible character trait of a Trump Lawyer is that he or she is willing to take on Trump as a client, one who often either doesn’t solicit their advice or simply ignores it; who subverts their legal strategy on national television; who requires them to deny facts that he has confirmed and confirm facts that he has denied; who won’t stop tweeting inflammatory, threatening and clearly false statements. It’s a lot to ask of a professional.” 

“Washington lawyers have defended spies, embezzlers, strongmen, torturers. But the prospect of defending Trump has apparently given them pause. Brendan Sullivan of Williams & Connolly, who represented Oliver North, and Ted Olson of Gibson, Dunn, who represented the Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard, are among the veterans of Washington scandals who have reportedly rejected overtures to join Trump’s legal defense team.”

"I've defended Rapists, Pedophiles, Child Abusers, Womanizers, Shareholder Bandits, Robber Barons, Wife Beaters, Psychopaths, Debt Defaulters and Con Men."

"But I've never had to defend someone who checked all of the above at once."

Forceful Chief of Staff Grates on Trump, and the Feeling Is Mutual“President Trump was in an especially ornery mood after staff members gently suggested he refrain from injecting politics into day-to-day issues of governing after last month’s raucous rally in Arizona, and he responded by lashing out at the most senior aide in his presence.” 

“It happened to be his new chief of staff, John F. Kelly.” 

“Mr. Kelly, the former Marine general brought in five weeks ago as the successor to Reince Priebus, reacted calmly, but he later told other White House staff members that he had never been spoken to like that during 35 years of serving his country. In the future, he said, he would not abide such treatment, according to three people familiar with the exchange.” 

"...he later told other White House staff members that he had never been spoken to like that during 35 years of serving his country."

If the guy who faced continuous verbal abuse from Boot Camp Marines (I assume) can't stand the continuous verbal barrage from Trump...

Then there was that time Trump was convinced Obama was spying on him.

Department Of Justice Says It Has No Evidence Obama Ordered Wiretap Of Trump Tower

Contradicting Trump, DOJ Admits There Is No Evidence Of Trump Tower Wiretaps

"Who are you going to believe? Me, or the lying FBI?"

Trump boasts he can 'comprehend very well, better than I think almost anybody'

Keep in mind that he said the following.  Try to make sense of what he said:

“Look, having nuclear — my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, okay, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart — you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, okay, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world — it’s true! — but when you're a conservative Republican they try — oh, do they do a number — that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune — you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged — but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me — it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right — who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners — now it used to be three, now it’s four — but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years — but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.”

Stephen King Compares Trump To Cthulhu; Cthulhu Issues Angry Denial

Trump is practically Azathoth, the Mad Blind Daemon-Sultan who speaks only in tongues, and has to be constantly distracted by a dozen Musicians, lest his actions destroy the Universe.  Remember when he touched the Orb?  That took place in Riyadh, which is almost, but not quite close to R'yleh.

At times like these, I think of Nyarlathotep, a cosmetic prankster, who would've positively relished at the sheer amount of outright despair culminating worldwide from Trump getting elected, and being confronted by a rival Elder God trying to stop these events from occurring, and being grudgingly told in a defeatist tone,

"Well, you won."

Then, Nyarlathotep would give an enigmatic smile, and reply, "Did I?" before ambiguously vanishing from this plane.

Another relevant analogy would be:

*Smiles in Nyarlathotep* "Oh, so you want to feel oppressed? Here, have an insane ruler who speaks in tongues and has to be continuously entertained, lest he unintentionally destroys the world."

"No thanks, our current dictators are bad enough!"

*Frowns in Nyarlathotep* "You have yet to experience anything on the same level as Azathoth. Trump doesn't even come close."

F.B.I. Interviewed Flynn in Trump’s First Days in Office, Officials Say

By the way, let's not forget the fact that Sally Yates warned the White House about this days before she was fired as Acting AG.

Her popping up in this story is kind of like a plot point that was set up in the second episode of a series suddenly re-emerging just before the big mid-season finale. If it turns out her firing was somehow connected to this? A lot more people than Flynn are seriously screwed.

Rule #1 is that it's ALWAYS the cover-up. Rule #2, the one people forget, is what I have suddenly and randomly decided to name the Mandarin rule. The screwup that gets you? You'll NEVER see it coming. Nixon got his ass kicked by a goddamn stupid burglary raid that went bad. Clinton was so focused on Whitewater and Paula Jones that he forgot it made ALL his sexual peccadilloes fair game. And Trump? Well, Trump has been juggling so many eggs in the air for so long that he's been trying to get everyone to ignore the mass of broken shells and yolk on the floor, right until he slips.
The best evidence that Trump's people are actually trying to kill Sally Yates?

SHE'S STILL ALIVE.

"Here's the target. Make it look like an accident."

"AWRIGHT! I'm gonna go all Final Destination on her Ass! First off, I'll suspend this ice bucket over her front door. When she comes in to dry herself off, the towel will pull this string attached to a stray cable that will activate the TV, turning onto the news to the latest Trump scandal. The resulting noise will be so irritating to her ears she'll reach for the remote, never noticing that there's a puddle of spilled root beer all over the floor. Her sticky feet - "

"On second thought, make it as obvious as possible."

Trump blasts media, anonymous sources _ after WH uses them

"Don't trust those untrustworthy nameless cowards who won't out themselves! Trust my totally reliable sources! Believe me!"

And as if things weren't bad enough...

Scientists Say They Can Recreate Living Dinosaurs Within the Next 5 Years

"Absolutely nothing can possibly go wrong here."

"I wanna hunt down and kill a dino without any pesky butterflies getting in the way!"

Woolly mammoth on verge of resurrection, scientists reveal

Bring Back the Woolly Mammoths so we can hunt them! And prevent another prehistoric butterfly bringing about the Trump Presidency!

That was what caused the last election, wasn't it? Cultured Hunters seeking a grander palate than shooting down near-extinct creatures?

Hungry for more Comics

Two years ago, I started posting comics that paid attention to the Hunger Relief campaign in Africa.  Since then, I keep finding new Thanksgiving Famine Tribute comics.  Every time I think I've found the last of them, some more wind up hiding where I hadn't looked before.  Some of them weren't on the main comics page, but as solitary comics located randomly in the newspaper, hiding in plain sight.  These comics will probably become painfully relevant, judging by the Presidential inauguration.  Hunger is going to become a familiar sensation for the upcoming years.

It probably doesn't help that several of them make light out of what's essentially a difficult subject.

Then there's forgettable generic comics like Sydney (featuring an unbelievably stupid bear) that in the second less-effective hunger tribute, had strips involving ignorance over the usage of food.  Whether this was intended or not is borderline, and up for interpretation.

Serial comics like Mary Worth only made token remarks that would've sounded ham-fisted in any other context.

The Phantom didn't even bother wedging a hunger tribute in its narrative, simply settling for a caption box tucked away near the bottom instead.

Then there are comics that appeared a year before whole swatches of cartoonists decided to band together for a greater cause.  Before Wiley did his more famous Non-Sequitur comics, he started out with his first attempt about a crotchety Mayor's assistant named Fenton.

This Adam comic was published years before the Famine tribute, and not on a Thanksgiving, but given it's contradictory and similar message, it certainly applies.

Don't Mention The Great War!

Like the rest of the world, I too was shocked at the results of the American election.  After months of revealing dozens if not hundreds of shocking quotes and scandals associated with Trump, the American public couldn't stand the prospect of having a woman tell them what to do.  Instead, they went for someone who'd give the temperament of a manipulative controlling Father figure filling that role.  Apparently, the sheer volume of Trump atrocities melding into an indistinguishable mush couldn't compare to the much more identifiable Clinton email scandal, which seemed to be what people really cared about.

I'm cautiously pessimistic, constantly looking for worst-case scenarios so that if they ever come to pass, I won't be as traumatized when it actually happens.  But even *I* was caught flatfooted at the election results.  Hillary lost by sheer fractions of the votes in key states, and from less than half of the country not bothering to put out and go the extra mile to give their say.  And those who remained bitter about Bernie Sanders not being on the ballot.  The remainder went for the third party to protest voting for Clinton.  Good going guys, you really showed 'em!

Trump won not as a result of a sudden voter surge, but from a lack of voters who didn't bother to cast their opinion in. That, and white women voting for the man, others throwing theirs for the 3rd party and voter suppression overall.

Just scant hours after the votes rolled in, it was justification for closeted bigots to go out and start harassing minorities they'd been scared of for years, but never had the "courage" to go out and say so.  As a result, suicide risks among Transgendered people rose, along with attacks on Blacks, Muslims, Women and Asians increased, and the Canadian Immigration website crashed.

At this rate, with the current climate, Trump won't HAVE to implement a ban on immigrants - they'll be too scared to come over here once they see how they'll be treated.  Unless the world they're currently living in is WORSE than how it is now, then they must be TRULY desperate.

Not that there may be much of a United States left, what with several States thinking about Seceding from the toxic environment, including California and Oregon.  (It's the Oregon trail all over again!)  Texas contemplated seceding, but never quite followed through.  And Columbia just registered to become the 51st State, so there's that.

One of the bitterest pills to swallow in addition to Clinton gracefully stepping down (not even trying to engage a fruitless fight) was seeing Justin Trudeau make good for appealing to Trump's winning, out of political need and avoid getting on his bad side.  If it were up to me, I'd say that he may have attained the role of President, but that doesn't automatically give him a default state for admiration. The outside world won't be so easily fooled with your rhetoric. Your role isn't something to be taken lightly. Respect? If you want respect, start by showing it to other people.

What's particularly troubling in the wake of Trump's victory is how much he's normalized his hate rhetoric. The ramifications will extend long after the election, inspiring others to follow his model, finely tuned to their tastes.  There's proof that they may wind up losing jobs, which will only increase their ire further.  And if Trump refused to release his tax returns, his loyalists may wonder why they should bother paying those taxes in the first place.  I wouldn't be surprised if there was a debt of one Quadrillion Dollars.  I remain absolutely convinced that Trump is just going to drain the Country dry.

The worst part is that even if Trump gets impeached, steps down or leaves, Vice President Pence would be sworn in as his replacement, and he's more of a political monster than Trump is because he knows how to game the system.  The fact that even Trump himself looks like he's regretting being elevated to position of President is small comfort.

Normally around this time of year, I have the first arc of Charley's War available for a single day.
This year, however, I'll leave the link up for as long as needed.  If I receive a notice to take it down, I will. Until then, we shouldn't forget the needless sacrifices made just so we could get to this state.  Originally, I intended to show some sample pages from Chimo, which focused on aspects of Canada's involvement in WWI, and it's expansion of its arts program there, but decided to focus solely on the most pertinent bits.

It's frightening to realize that Canada is essentially the last bastion of representation for Multiculturism.  Even the prospects of a recount of remaining votes leading to a slim Trump-Clinton tie seem farfetched at most.  All we can do is keep fighting the good fight, never relenting when we see injustices happening, show our support however subtle, and keep soldering on.

A Matter of Interpretation

For the longest time, if you wanted to watch the latest blockbuster hits, but happened to be Deaf, you would have to wait until it came out on VHS or DVD, which would keep you out of the loop for up to six months to several years;  all the while, more movies would be released, keeping you further backlogged and unable to discuss potential spoilers without looking up second-hand plot summaries.  Only recently was there technology that would allow hard-of-hearing viewers to enjoy the experience of action movies.  Other than the explosions, half the fun comes from the inane catchphrases thrown about.

That is, unless you happened to live in Montreal, with its unusual Draconian language-protection laws.  Feeling that their French language was under attack from being bombarded via easy access to English media, Bill 101 was abused to go after any store signs or packaging that didn't have FRENCH emblazoned in large font, and an English version below in smaller font.  There would be grand fights over whether Eatons or Eaton's with an apostrophe was proper or not.  There was also the crackdown on a menu for having pasta on it's menu for sounding too Italian.  This would be on par with claiming that Sushi sounded too 'Asian'.  These were literal Grammar Nazis who could threaten to close a small business if it wasn't part of a larger franchise name.

With this backstory background in place, the following event may (or may not) make more sense.  Jeffrey Liebman, a deaf man was all set to enjoy the latest Star Trek movie, only to be told that he wouldn't be able to access the captioning device.  The reason?  They refused because there weren't any French subtitles available.  If the French Deaf can't enjoy the movie, then the English Deaf couldn't enjoy it either.

I'm not a regular movie-goer, much more preferring to stay in the comfort of my home, where I'm not easily distracted by the crowd, and can control the pace of the film to my liking.  But my sister's more of a social animal than me, and was only able to have some subtitles available for Deadpool, the 'Merc with the Mouth' who, ironically enough, has his mouth covered for pretty much the majority of his screen time.  (And even if he DID have his mouth shown, it's doubtful she'd be able to understand him, given how decomposed his fleshy area is.)  Her husband pretty much had to go and argue with the theater manager for a long time in order to get the necessary captioner device in place.  They're fitted in a cup holder-like slot to face the viewer, and aren't disturbing to other movie fans, since the text only shows up in front of their seat.  He went to the theater ahead of time on the day to check that the captions worked. When they got there that evening, they didn't work, and he had to go find a manager to sort it out. Turned out someone forgot to turn on the machine in the projection room.  The closest controversy these things could present is that they have the script for the movie embedded in their electronics, but unless you have someone with the necessary know-how to hack into the device, the risk assessment is significantly small.  (It's similar to reading a theater script before seeing the actual play)

Even independent film reviewers aren't immune from this problem.  You'd think that preventing bad publicity from someone who had a license to publish scathing editorials would be a consideration, but apparently, that's not a high priority.

All this could be attributed to a gulf between the English/French divide.  But another explanation is the lack of compromise between the Hearing/Deaf.  As an invisible handicap, Deafness doesn't have the exploitable visibility of blindness or motor function loss, and thus, people aren't as willing to be as forthcoming unless we wear a sign saying "I'm Deaf" for the world to see.

For the uninitiated, the last cow has her ears hooked up to the cowbell.

For the most part, regular hearing people are simply unwilling to throw a bone, simply because accommodating a Deaf person understand what's going on is too much of a hassle.  Well, sorry that the mere prospect of not being able to hear properly is so inconvenient for you.

Even though I don't go out to movies that much, I'm still extremely limited in other aspects of being able to socialize normally.  If I want to understand group discussions, it's absolutely imperative that I have an interpreter present, so that I can understand what's going on.  By the time someone's stopped talking, I'm still playing catch-up with the first word.  Even if I paid intense attention, I'd still only catch snatches of the beginning or ending of sentences being bandied around the table.  It's a game of conversational ping-pong that I'm grossly outmatched in.

Regular hearing people just don't understand the mere prospect of how difficult life can be when you're Deaf. As if the mere prospect of "you just have to listen harder" would wipe away the discomfort of being unable to hear properly.  What most hearing people fail to understand it the scope of how difficult it is to make use of a talent that's already frayed to begin with.  It's not as if constant use of our ear muscles could hope to strengthen the weakened eardrums or hair follicles after vigilant use.  That's not what being Deaf means.

Being deaf means being unable to hear sounds in the normal noise range, and that can be attributed to general confusion about how loud decibels can be.  Every ten decibels is not ten plus louder than the previous level, but ten times louder than the previous incarnation.  One decibel is the standard base.  10 decibels is 10 times louder, 20 decibels is 100 times louder, 30 decibels is 1000 times louder, and so on.
The average deaf person can have a hearing loss of 60 decibels, which at first sight, doesn't seems so much, but means that they hear 1,000,000 times less than usual.  MY hearing loss is between 90 to 120 decibels, which is between a billion to a trillion times LESS than the average human.  Without my hearing aids, the only noise I could hear would be a rock concert next to a roaring jet engine.

Given that most teenagers prefer to play their music at full blast, imagine how frustrated they'd be at having the dial turned down all the way from Eleven to one.

When I was in Grade school, I was outfitted with an FM System where I had the teacher wear a mini-microphone device around their neck that would repeat whatever was said through an electronic device connected to my hearing aid.  I can tell you from personal experience that I NEVER understood a single thing I heard from the electronic, and only went along with it for years simply because I was told to.  In my remaining years of High School, I found the contraption to be so useless to me that I simply stopped giving it to the teachers, which must've come as something of a relief to them, and solely relied on an Oral Interpreter for understanding the going-ons of the classroom.

My mother fought long and hard to ensure that there would be enough funding for me and other Deaf students to have Oral Interpreting throughout my High School years.  In College and University classes, Deaf students are allowed to have interpreters present to help them understand what's happening in class.  So why wouldn't it make sense to have these helpful assistants available during High School during our peak years when learning is most essential?

"But don't you have hearing aids that can help increase the amount of stuff you can hear?"

Yes, but as effective as that tool is, it's still inefficient in other ways.  While a hearing aid helps tremendously in letting me hear sounds that otherwise wouldn't pass detection (via an extremely LOUD whistle when not lodged inside my ear canal), it's not very efficient in weeding out variable noises.  See, a hearing aid doesn't just amplify the sound of the person talking next to me, it amplifies ALL noise in the room.  From the background traffic to the hum of the radiator to the people chattering in the background.

Such advice is equivalent to telling a double amputee that they shouldn't have much trouble tying their shoelaces, since they've got prosthetics to do the job for them.  "They're perfectly capable of working, so what's the problem?"  If weeding out all these sounds were as easy as it sounds, the average person would be able to understand with perfect clarity what someone on a telephone is saying in a noisy environment.  It's the same principle - when your only source of sound comes from one place and it's a confusing hodge-podge of noise, how can you possibly understand anything that's being said?

"But can't you simply read lips to understand what they're saying?"

Normally, yes, but not everybody is as avid in reading lips as I am, and that came from years of experience from constant intervention, interaction and filling in the blanks and double-guessing what everybody's saying.
When you watch TV shows or movies, you're granted the luxury of the actor showing their valuable face time by making sure their handsome and beautiful mugs are in full view of the audience whenever possible.  But that convenience is sadly lacking in real life where you're more likely to see the back of someone's head while engaging in conversation.  Good luck reading lips from the wrong side.

And even if you position yourself into an ideal place (without being in a bad lighting spot), seeing both side's lips is rarely likely to occur in reality, since people are hardly going to rotate themselves around to me.  When people are engaged in conversation, they're likely to forget the presence of someone who can't hear their every word, and trying to play catch-up with both sides changing dialogue at a moment's notice means I'm constantly a few seconds behind, and wind up missing crucial key words that could help crack the whole conversation open.  And that's not even taking in account the nefarious "silent letters" so prevalent in English language.  It's enough to discourage the amateur lipreader from even trying in the first place.

And that's not even accounting for all the letters that look alike when no sound is present.  Names and addresses are the worst.  They're easily the hardest words to understand, especially if they're from places we have no familiarity with, save for how they're spelled.  Getting the slightest word wrong can throw the whole conversation out of context if you're not aware of the subject.  Otherwise, you'd wind up speaking non-sequiturs when you meant to make a point.

Often enough, having to constantly double-check everything that's being said can be an exercise in exhaustion.  Sooner or later, even the most devoted Deaf person will rely on making guesses as to what someone's saying so as not to slow the conversation down and inconvenience everyone.  While this may seem helpful at first glance, missing out on large snatches of what's going on can wind up being detrimental in the long term.

Asking questions all the time may be the hallmark of a curious person, but asking too many runs the risk of being too inquisitive.  Being unable to contribute meaningfully to group discussions can foster deep resentment even among the most well-meaning of friends who simply can't understand how someone seemingly smart can be so distant.  Well, not catching everything that's being said is a guaranteed formula to cause alienation.

Some helpful tips in talking to Deaf people - emphasize certain key words, like Videogame characters in Quest missions.  And if a word is too hard to make out, substitute it for another one.  For instance, "Take statistics attendance on nicotine" is impossible to lipread, since there's hardly any lip movement, but "Smoking addiction numbers" is much easier in comparison.

If the subject you're talking about is too difficult to ascertain upon first utterance, replace the unnaturally longwinded spoken prose with more succinct suitable substitute words.  In short, if the person doesn't understand what you're saying, use different words with the same meaning, rather than repeat a word that could be easily mistaken for something else.  Also, use pantomime to illustrate what you're talking about.

Another common myth is the belief that talking to a Deaf person simply requires shouting louder and louder until they understand what you're talking about.  Not true.  I need to be facing whoever's talking, and have instructions pointed out step by step and spoken slowly and clearly, but not so exaggerated that your actions make you look like you belong in the circus.  (Though I'm more likely to remember instructions if they're written down, since I have a terrible auditorial memory.)

Also, don't stand so close - some distance is needed to see the speaker's lips.

Despite this early intervention, there still seems to be some general confusion about just what an Oral Interpreter's function is.  Some people seem to think that an Oral Interpreter is a barrier to social contact, because they're the only person that I communicate with.  Not true - the interpreter is the solid reliable source for deciphering all the surrounding noise in a room.  Being focused on a solitary target that repeats what's being said is much more reliable than constantly moving my head around trying to catch snippets of half-gleamed conversations, which I'd probably misunderstand anyways.

And Oral Interpreters like Doctors & Lawyers, have a code of privacy.  They're not going to reveal any confidential information that may pass from people's lips.  They may occasionally interject themselves into the conversation, but only to further clarify something the Deaf client is trying to say.  The function of an Oral Interpreter is not to interfere with the conversation, but make it easier for the Deaf client to understand what's going on.  This is accomplished by giving up-to-date sentences said in the heat of the moment, and giving a condensed summary of what people in a group are talking about.  Otherwise, after everybody's finished talking, you'd be left with no real context of what just went on.

Sadly, for all the technological advances made, there's still not much that can be done for basic human ignorance over the most obvious issues.  Even well-intended Deaf organizations aren't immune from making novice mistakes such as:

• Having your only form of communication for Deaf clients being a telephone number (no email address), and wondering why no one ever calls.
• Holding an auditorium meeting with dim lighting and the speaker obscured by the microphone and stage platform.
• Having conversations with a hearing person and a Deaf person, and always facing the hearing person, while facing away from the Deaf person, despite the knowledge that the hearing person is more likely to understand the speaker if they turn away than the Deaf person ever will under similar circumstances.

And yet, despite the immense helpfulness of an Oral Interpreter in social situations, getting one can still be a huge hassle.  They can only be available in certain conditions, such as upcoming meetings, social functions, and an Interpreter has to be scheduled well in advance, and not on the spur of the moment.  Getting an Oral Interpreter for a bi-weekly group gathering is an uphill struggle even though it only costs like, $75 a session.  Neither organization - the Deaf or the Social - were willing to be up front on compensating for the cost, which would be a pittance in their overall budget.  I still can't get an interpreter for a single class on Creative Writing, simply because it's considered a non-essential course, even though I'd greatly benefit from hearing what other people in the classroom would be saying.  It's ironic that someone in a wheelchair would have more access to places than I can.

Ironically enough, one of my most frequent complaints towards people who have difficulty understanding me is, "What's the matter, can't you hear properly?!", as if my speech pattern was perfectly decipherable.

Today's technologies are now considerably smaller and faster, but the stigma still remains.  Trying to tell regular hearing people to control their speech patterns when talking to Deaf people remains an exercise in repetition, since they're bound to fall into their usual traps of regular conversation, such as moving their head, constantly smiling (it's hard to read lips when all you see is teeth) and regularly falling back to fast-paced conversation when talking to a normal hearing person, usually turning their heads away from the conversation.  As mentioned earlier, it's hard to read lips when all you can see is the back of someone's head.