Canadian Oddities - The Fridge Door

Okay, this is going to take some explaining.  In Newspapers, it's not unusual to have a section for younger readers that's made up of their contributions and leaden with illustrated commentary.  There was a feature in the Montreal Gazette first as Tiddlywinks' The Bird Bag, and later a Sunday feature called The Fridge Door.

That later feature would be drawn by Paul Gamboli, an infrequent artist who drew a few select articles for Josh Freed, the Canadian equivalent to Dave Barry.  The following articles were reprinted in his book Sign Language.




The Fridge Door started out perfectly normal, with a Raccoon named Noodles who had a fondness for noodles.  Then it gradually got weirder with the introduction of a worm from space named Eugene...

...but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Gamboli's character ran from April 24, 1988 to December 1989, which started out normal, but ran the gamut of weirdness when the feature took a decidedly dark turn, when Eugene the Alien worm got shot in a hunting expedition, and his fate was left ambiguous as Noodles was hibernating in a nearby cave.  Now, this was around the time that the Polytechnique Massacre happened, culminating in the deaths of 14 women and stricter gun laws in Canada.  So any attempt to reverse that would've been seen as cheap.

After that, Gamboli's feature decided to tap into the innovative potential of having his childish audience decide what would happen next.  Here's the backstory for what happened during the last month of The Fridge Door, but it's practically irrelevant here, since it's hardly addressed.

Instead, we focus on a piece of fuzz that's just wandering around.

The very next week, they recapped the backstory again for those who might've missed the memo last time.  And once more next week.


It really is a shame these scans are only available in black & white, since as I recall, there were some psychedelic colours involved.

After three weeks of non-sequitur events, readers were beginning to wonder what happened to their favorite Raccoon.

Feeling the need to address their concerns, Gamboli obliged, giving a kind of answer, by having Eugene take the form of a translucent moth, and the two of them traversing a weightless world of Pleiades known as Wasteland, which was around the time Bloom County was revamped into Outland.

Any similarities between licensed characters is deliberate and intentional.

[He Sings Too!]

Apparently, Gamboli couldn't decide whether Nopuss should have braids or half-eaten Mickey Mouse ears.  The text on the upper half of the lower scan is barely legible, so here's a helpful script to guide you along some of the more incomprehensible passages. (Italics between *Asterisks* are guessimated quotations)

Panel 1: Oh Nopuss, he's so cute.  Let's invite him to tea!
Panel 2: Hmm.  A stranger wearing a black mask.  Too much hair to be the Lone Ranger!
Panel 3: *Nopuss* oh boy! Never look a gift visitor in the mouth!
So, how ya doing, fatso?
(There's nothing in this cup!  What's with the fatso stuff?)
Panel 4: Of course - *our guest* is right, there's no tea, it's just pretend!
Panel 5: --PRETEND!!? Shocked I am!  Who's the perpetrator of this sham?
[Empty cup]
Panel 6: Well, Nopuss, there's no water in Wasteland, there's nothing her to *nourish* the body, let alone *feed a* soul!
[Empty tea pot]

The rest of the page is relatively legible if nonsensical, but the Raccoon's thoughts as they're flying away are:

(Eugene, why would anyone want to be a cartoon character?)
[Tee hee!]

After that amusing copyright infringement cameo, we get some more adventures for those who were curious about what happened to Scintalina, the ball of fluff.  In other words, no one.


After enough sideways distractions, we finally get back to the main attraction, Noodles the Raccoon who's clearly besides himself.

Sadly, we never got to see any more, for the very next week, which occurred on April 1st, the section that normally would've contained The Way Home was replaced with an advertisement for Drug use. Certainly a cruel joke.  After that, there was no more, which was just as well.  Depending on an outside children's audience to dictate your plot is no guarantee for narrative consistency.

I'll be gradually introducing these Sunday features at the beginning of every month, so we can see just how a relatively harmless children's feature wound up this way.

Disturbing Personal Project: THIS IS THEY

Frequent visitors may have noticed that I haven’t exactly been updating my blog as much as I would’ve liked to.  This isn’t from a lack of subject material - indeed, I have TOO MANY potential comics to choose from, and finding the proper comics is somewhat of an uphill struggle.

But another potential reason (other than being involved with Real Life stuff and marathoning several TV series) is that I’ve been preoccupied with a personal project of mine, a WebNovel that I just recently started; THIS IS THEY.  Fitting that this should happen during the month of Nanowrimo where people take the challenge to submit a writing project of fifty thousand words to motivate them into jumpstarting the writing process.

The act of writing a whole novel from the base up can seem like a daunting task for those not used to the craft, but there’s a simple way out of this - simply start writing anything - ANYTHING, no matter how bad it is.  Get into the habit of writing so it'll be easier as it goes along, and get the bad stuff out of the way.  Deliberately creating bad writing out of the hopes that something good might come from the ashes.  Just keep writing and writing until the sheer amount of material overwhelms what you have.  Write until you can’t write any more.  Write crap to get the crap out of the way, so you can focus on the good stuff.  Failing that, write crap intentionally so that it’ll be so bad that it’ll ironically be good.  Since I mostly deal with humour, this kind of rationale comes easily to me.

Of course, that’s not exactly my method.  I prefer to think things through, and like to know where I’m going.  As long as I’ve got a rough outline of my story, and can see the potential plot threads tying together, I can write whatever comes to mind.  The trick is putting all those thoughts in a coherent manner that makes sense.

I’d been wanting to share my stories for some time, but had no knowledge of a reputable site that would allow chapters to be read in chronological order.  Eventually, I decided on WordPress after seeing another WebNovel there, but the site is remarkably user unfriendly, and as such I only have an index, and chapters, which are the same thing.  For the time being, you can access the next chapters by clicking the "Next Post" links near the bottom of the page, but I'd like those to be higher up.  Until someone helps me format the site to my liking, it’s gonna remain in Beta stage for now.

I’d been wanting to do this since my first foray into creating a quasi-history of Anime in America by it’s reluctance to be accepted, and portray various Anime characters as caricatures of Pokemon, since that was the Anime that caused the Japanese import to explode in popularity, and would result in mainstream acceptance of thinking that ALL Anime was Pokemon.

My intent was to have the artistic style start out as American, in 9-panel Watchmen format, which would be completely blown apart during the instances that Otakus - people who’d been possessed by Fansubs - would have to be exorcised via a secret organization devoted to keeping Anime from getting popular, run by their mysterious shadowy founders, The Rabbit & The Mouse, who would constantly bicker over their seating.

“By all rights, my chair should be higher!”
“Your ears are at the same height as mine.”

Once the Possessed Otaku would be taken care of, the panels would go “back to normal”, but slightly and subtly changed every time throughout the years 1990-1999, becoming more angular, allowing for bleeds and experimentation.  My intent was to show that despite wanting to remain original, we become more influenced by our surroundings than we care to admit.

Sadly, I had to shelve this ambitious project, since I had no way of sharing my ideas with anyone on a similar wavelength to mine.  Even after doing a Prequel and a Sequel to the main story.  The main story would be inspired by American comics, the Prequel Shojo Manga and the Sequel Shonen Manga, but I hit writer’s block after being unable to do proper research on the mostly oral history of Anime in the 70's, which was before my time.  Also, the mass Xenophobia aimed towards Anime had largely passed over in rise to the latest generation being unaware of the biases toward the medium.  Someday, I might post samples of what I had planned if anyone’s interested.  (Hint hint!)

Getting back to my main topic...

My WebNovel inspiration comes from the numerous Isekai Manga, where some hapless schulub gets reincarnated or summoned into a Fantasy World where they become Overpowered Author Avatars in an RPG Fantasy setting gaining more powers and an ever-growing harem, the most famous of which is Re:Monster, which while enjoyable for its world-building, has its fair share of problematic issues regarding treatment of women, very much in the same vein as Paladin of Shadows, which prompted a reviewer to mention the numerous quotes of “John Ringo, NO.”

Most of these Isekai Manga first took the form of WebNovels, one of my favorites that spurred me on was Kumo desu ga, nani ka? (So I’m a Spider, So What) a series that I tended to compulsively reread.  And I’m notoriously finicky, so this was something that greatly appealed to me.

My inspiration for doing so was from Berkley Breathed’s creative process that led to the birth of Bill the Cat - an unashamed abomination of Garfield that was intended to be a major turn-off that wound up being the opposite outcome.  I figured that the best way to find success was NOT to rehash whatever media was wildly currently popular (Vampires, Wizards, Ninjas), but to venture into realms that hadn’t been explored because no one ever dared try.  Also, it was borne from the frustration of not finding enough reading material that appealed to me.  There’s an old saying that if something you want to read hasn’t been written yet, go ahead and write it.  After this, some people may want to rethink that particular inspirational quote.

Basically, I wanted to create something that would be considered utterly unmarketable.  A cross between LoveCraft and Kafka.  LoveKafka, if you will.  I figured that the surest way to commercial suicide was to combine the traits of two highly regarded literary giants into one comprehensive package.  People may praise their contributions, but when it comes to actually buying their works, their sales numbers are remarkably low, save for stylish snobs and record-keepers.  I’d combine the Alienation of LoveCraftian lore with the darkly humourous workings of Kafka.

The stories I do aren't considered normal stories, by any stretch, though they take a lot of inspiration from multiple sources.  People do all kinds of darker material compared to the lighter stuff, which appeals to some audiences down where their tales don't get told because there's no perceived market for them, and are considered too dark and/or depressing.  My WebNovel also took inspiration from Dirk Manning's Nightmare World, an Anthology collection where the stories are loosely connected.  Though at this point, it’s still in its early stages, and will take a while before the connections become obvious.  I’d always been more in love with the IDEA of The Twilight Zone than it’s actual execution.  My stories probably slant slightly towards The Outer Limits, but with a stronger humourous bent and better writing.  Updates will sadly be slow in coming given my high quality control, and my tendency to write notes for future chapters not fully fleshed out yet, and notes strewn all over the place.

I'm still not crazy about the layout, and Wordpress isn't as intuitive as blogspot is.  I only used it, because another WebNovel, ParaHumans, had the chapters in its sidebar, as well as having everything in Chronological order.  I've yet to figure out how to format it the way I want to.

Ironically enough, my impetus for doing this was inspired back when Obama was still in office, and the world had yet to encounter the stigma of continuous impending doom.  Instead of instilling an ever-encroaching sense of increasing stats and new abilities, I wanted to convey the sense of powerlessness in the face of overwhelming power.  Instead of exploring a futuristic world that would just as likely become false within several generations, I wanted to take the opposite tack, and explore Universal themes that would still be relevant far into the future.  Keen-eyed readers will recognize that my inspiration for the first story in my WebNovel is actually borne from an early issue of Transmetropolitan.

At this point, you may be wondering just what THIS IS THEY is actually about.  Well, that's difficult to describe without spoiling anything.  If you haven't been successfully scared off yet, here's the link to the first chapter again.  Future chapter updates (and influences) will be noted in due time.

I actually wanted to use the font from below on top, but was unable to figure out how.

The Cosby Effect

Recently, beloved former sitcom character, Bill Huxtable... I mean, Bill Cosby was in a trial for sexual assault, drugging and raping women.  This wasn't his first foray, having been accused of this crime multiple times throughout the years, including when he was on his definitive show.  And even earlier.  Such claims were later dismissed or later silenced through intimidation, as is tends to be when a successful show is in syndication.  The feelings of a single traumatized violated woman means nothing in the face of entertaining millions of viewers and millions of advertising dollars.  Why spoil a good thing?

Apparently, it seems that the best way to avoid being prosecuted is to make yourself known in the public consciousness to such an extent that they feel implicit in making any verdict against a favored and loved Celebrity character.  Even if said celebrity's sell-by date has long since expired past any point of relevance.  They don't want to have the reputation of punishing someone who gave so much joy (themselves included), and being responsible for jailing a comedian.  (Leaving out the fact that they'd be further remembered as someone who let a serial rapist go free)

There was a time when Cosby was a beloved figure, which I wasn't entirely aware of, but still absorbed via osmosis and his saturation in media alone.  The rare critic who dared to speak out against Cosby would've been called out for daring to defy against the common status quo, and trying to break new ground.  Ground that nowadays seems more like pandering to safe tastes.

The Cosby Family was a well-behaved Black family, back when the sheer concept of such a notion was considered outlandish.  The general consensus for minority representation was being Snarky, Angry or a Token Male for "diversity".  Having a normal Middle Class Black family engaging in the same outrageous situations as other white people was considered revolutionary.  A formula that would be shamelessly copied through other Black sitcoms such as Family Matters & Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.  Though you'd be hard-pressed to recall any scenes of the parents being involved at their jobs.  Much like Tintin's Reporting, it was more of a title than an ideal to live up to.

And even now, trying to increase minority representation is an uphill struggle despite audience outreach and identification.  If it doesn't instantly appeal to Media Mongels (who are overwhelmingly white) then it won't appeal to All Audiences.  This is all speculation, from not having personally seen a single episode (and certainly not planning to).

An instance of Cosby's influence was mainly felt by the constantly chuckling Dr. Hibbert in The Simpsons.  Apart from a few perfunctory scenes involving occasional appearances of his family, we really don't know that much about the good doctor.  In terms of Immigrant representation, we know more about Apu's background - an Indian convenience store manager, than a competent good-natured doctor.  It's the sleazier doctors such as Dr. Nick (Hi!) and to a lesser extent, Dr. Monroe, who get more screentime, which is understandable, given the constraints of humour.

AND to further add ironic abuse to the case, after the mistrial, Cosby plans on giving lectures on Sexual Assault.  Not solely aimed at Women, mind you - that would be considered tasteless - but for Men who would be accused of Sexual Assault.  Certainly something he would have experience in.

I'm really the wrong person to even cast stones in this direction.  For starters, I'm not Black, and didn't grow up Religiously watching his show.  I don't have very strong feelings for the man in one way or another.  I have a book or two of his amusing anecdotes (which feel slightly poisoned and possibly ghost-written by now), but otherwise, don't really care about him one way or another.  It's probably a major reason why I'm not suitable for being a reporter.  I'm not angry enough at the issues to be suitably outraged at the sheer unfairness of delayed justice.  All I can do is find relevant caricatures and comic images referencing the man back when he was a household name and figure.  It's all I know what to do.

Pale Originals

Adam West of Batman fame just recently died, and I instantly thought of my first exposure to the man.  Since I never saw any of the original episodes and they weren't captioned, I felt no attraction to the show.  And the parts that were aired were only in French, and annoyingly enough to me, always ended on a cliffhanger, leaving me with no way of knowing how they resolved themselves, because I wasn't invested enough to find out in the first place.

This wasn't the only instance that MAD had a former iteration of a cartoon character knock off their more popular knock-off.  However, while going through these endings, I noticed a certain difference.  In these live-action adaptations, it was the cartoon character who wound up being responsible for the execution of these half-hearted adaptations, which failed to capture the essence of the originals.  The only exception was the cheesy live-action role, compared to the Animated Bruce Timm Batman, who ironically enough, would be the definitive Batman for a later generation.

Incidentally, this post's title is a reference to an ambitious Fanfic I had where three beloved comic characters who were replaced by lesser versions of themselves were mysteriously gathered together.  The three included Dream, who was replaced by Daniel...

L, who was replaced by Near...

And Farley, who was replaced by Edgar.  Interestingly enough, there are hardly any drawings of Edgar all by himself.

In which a gathering of three beloved individuals indulge in small talk (of which they are sorely inexperienced in) and are accosted by a menacing figure who eventually reveals the reason they've been summoned in its presence

For years, I had this scenario set up, but never had the proper focus to put all three of them in a proper dialogue, despite the comedic potential.  Recent events have made this scenario redundant, and near the end of these incomplete drafts, you'll see why.

Some notes to explain the following pacing of the intended speech patterns,

Lord Morpheus talks in a slow dramatic voice.
L talks in a serious deadpan.
And Farley is... Farley.

(A pale mist surrounds a sparse grey field.  A shadowy figure steps from the fog into the clearing where a young man is crouched in an awkward sitting position)
You have summoned me, and I have reluctantly come.
I summoned you??  I thought YOU called me.  I've been waiting this whole time.
Not possible.  I have no knowledge of needing your services.
Well, if it wasn't you, and it wasn't me, then who WAS it?
(Farley happily walks upon the scene)
Unless that animal is our mysterious gatherer, I doubt we'll be getting any answers soon.
In that case, we should ask a few questions, see if there's any common links between the three of us.
Very well.  The session of Pale Originals is now in session.
Pale...?
We’re the original models that was later copied unsuccessfully in our unfinished stories.  The ones left in our place are Pale Imitations, hence the title.  I was replaced by Daniel.  You were replaced by Near.  (Conjures picture) And Farley was replaced with this dog.
My God.  Farley’s replacement looks white as a ghost!
That’s Dixie, Edgar's son.  Edgar is over here.

**************************

You're doubtlessly the lord and master of the dream world, and the representation of Dream itself.
That's a... surprisingly specific way of describing my role.  I'm curious as to how you arrived at that conclusion.
You're nothing more than a hallucination brought about from the bad cupcake I had last night, and manifested yourself as the Ghost of Christmas Future, skipping straight ahead to my worst-case scenario, so you can tell me how I've made some bad decisions in my life.
You don't seem very surprised to see me.
Please.  I've seen a literal God of Death.  After a monstrosity like that, you're practically easy on the eyes.

**************************

I must confess, you’re one of the few creatures who rarely entered my realm.
(Sips cup of coffee)  It's not like I NEED to sleep.  Like Kafka's Hunger Artist, I'd do more of it if I enjoyed it.
(Farley looks questioningly at L’s hind quarters)
Yes, I do have chocolate in my pants, and no, you can’t have any.
(Farley looks crestfallen, and keeps staring intensely)
Isn’t it uncomfortable keeping sweets in that position?
Better in my pockets than out in the open where what little remains is instantly slobbered up.  Why don’t you conjure some up from within that mystical cape of yours?
I have no desire to consume such product.
Even better.  (Rips open a sugar packet, & pours small contents on the floor, which Farley greedily slobbers up)  You like that huh?  Well, Lord Morpheus over there is made of sugar.  (Tosses sugar at Dream) Sic him boy!
(Farley lunges)
(Reeling, throwing turkeys, salami & other assorted meats in his direction) Back, foul creature!

**************************

I’m curious... what do you look like through Farley’s eyes?
That noble beast has spent far too much time among humans.  What you see before you is how he sees himself.
Really?
Well, minus the wagging tongue & fluffy cheeks, but I have no desire to show you that.
(Through Farley's eyes, Dream looks like his human self with Farley's Head on his shoulders)

(Farley looks at thrown ball thrown from Dream go over an arc, then bounce to the ground multiple times until it comes to a stop)
Do you not grasp the concept of 'fetch', little creature?  An object is thrown, you expend all your energies chasing after it, leaving me alone for a brief moment of time until you return, at which point I repeat the procedure until you collapse out of sheer exertion or exhaustion, whichever comes first.
Forget it.  I've been trying to teach him mathemathical logic for ages.  If you want him to go away, you're going to have to magic up some food and send it flying.  And if possible, save some in my general direction.  I'll catch.
You are both beginning to wear on my patience, but it'll remove the beast's affections from my premises, I'll oblige.

My sister was quite enamored by your exploits.  I confess, I’ve rarely seen her portrayed in such a comical manner.
Your sis - then that Shinigami was female??
Yes, but that wasn’t my sister - I mean - she wasn’t - It is difficult to explain.

**************************

Then, the mysterious figure would make its presence known:

I have summoned you here for the sole purpose of observing you.  Just carry on like I'm not here.
This is preposterous.  I have far more important things to deal with.
Like what??  You're retired now.
Well... I have to brood around a bit!  And those garbage pails aren't going to empty themselves!
Dude, they've been sitting there for a week now.
I was waiting until I felt like it!

Then, it'd be revealed that the mysterious figure that'd summoned them turned out to be a Pale Original himself:

Back!  Back!  Don't pull back that curtain -
Farley doesn't listen, and keeps tugging away at the cloak of the intimidating figure.  The cloak falls away, revealing an elaborate structure underneath, consisted of a system of pulleys and puppet strings being manipulated by a black & white figure at the very top:

Then, he'd reveal his motivation:

Opus: Of all the Pale Originals, I’m probably the only one who’s been reused by the same creator - three times! And each time I was brought back, there were complaints I wasn’t as good as I used to be.  Confidently speaking, I suspect it was because my nose size increased each time.

Opus: I figured that if I got all three of you together, I could figure out some kind of magical formula that made you guys so popular in the first place.  So far, I've been stymied and stumped.  Stumped and stymied.  That sounds like a good band name.

Opus: As far as I can see, it's basically acting aloof to your surroundings, while also being aware of everything going on, yet being absolutely clueless.  I'm not so sure about the first two, but I'm a master at the last one.  I think.

Opus: Farley looks kind of lonely.  Could you show him a little affection?
Like what?
Opus: Well, his owner used to speak to him in baby-talk, calling him Farley-poo, is he a little Wuzzer?  Yes he is!
(L reluctantly brushes a single finger over his fur while monotonically praising him with baby names, while Lord Morpheus simply stands idly by)  Is Farley a lint-ball?  Is Farley a smelly dust-rag?  Is Farley a nonsensical-sounding word?  Yes, he is. Aren’t you going to do anything?
I glanced at him without invoking the ire of 15 Gods, 10 demons and 5 lawyers.  That’s affectionate enough for me.

(Bonus cameo: Death meets Ryuk)
Ryuk:  Huh.  You look pretty important.

Make Way for Pink Ali

I waited awhile after my last post to see what other comics would be submitted in celebration of Muhammad Ali (and also to recuperate from an annoying fever) before submitting any additional missed comics of my own.  Since I'm not much of a sports nut, I could hardly be faulted to claim ignorance but felt I should at least portray at least a semblance of trivia.

Fortunately, I found a link that did the job for me - a comprehensive look at not just his impressive career, but also the few times he showed up in MAD Magazine and his inevitable portrayal in Supes Vs. M.A., but also other S-hero comics and his influence beyond in showcasing a broader spectrum of Black S-heroes.  Many who used his template of Angry Opinionated Black Man (Falcon, Luke Cage, John Stewart [Green Lantern], and Black Lightning) to varying results.

His greatest regret was not being able to fight at the height of his athletic ability, when he was busy rationalizing his way out of not serving in the Vietnam war, since "none of the people he'd be fighting had ever done anything to him".  Fortunately, after working his way back into the boxing tournament that he'd been banished from, he managed to win back the championship belt he'd lost.  (Though they never should've been taken from him in the first place)

The general consensus was that despite making great civil right inways and self-promoting confidence for a denigrated minority group, Muhammad Ali was greatly despised by the White community for standing up for his convictions.  It was only after he retired from the boxing world (and couldn't physically fight back) that they started rooting for his cause.  Then, they could claim he was a "credit to his race" without actually acknowledging his accomplishments.

Another uncomfortable stance was his uncompromising position for converting to Islam, which was made more disconcerting considering the 9-11 attacks.  To which, when asked if there was any discomfort about Islamic Terrorists sharing his faith, replied "How do you feel about Hitler's sharing yours?" which sounds like a wonderful counter-argument, until you do some research, and find out that the veracity of the quote is in doubt.  Not to mention there's some dubiousity over Hitler's religion as well.

An example of how things can change over time.  The modern-day text for the above caption changed from Muhammad to George Washington.  While the name change made for a better associated joke, chances are it was in relation to the controversy over certain Danish cartoons that put outraged faithful Islamics into an uproar, who were more concerned over outside parties insulting a prophet, rather than how their religion would be perceived from their overreaction.

Normally, I wouldn't bother mentioning the Superman comic, save for one particular panel that always seemed unusual to me.  The one where Ali is giving a passionate speech, where we see an unusual angle of the inside of his mouth.  It reminded me of another artist, Ryochi Ikegami (who was greatly inspired by Neal Adams) who had unusual angles for the interior of a bear from the pages of Crying Freeman.  Muhammad may have been compared to various animals, but I'm willing to bet a bear wasn't among them.

Ironically enough, his slowing of speech due to his failing health and Parkinson's would've made him a natural talker in New Grappler Baki, where he showed up as a guest celebrity in the later volumes.

 (The last two volumes are just a Humiliation Conga for his son, and should be taken with a grain - make that a pound - of salt.)