Brought Low by my Knees

Two months ago in early October, I had a bit of a health scare.  Nothing terribly serious, but it was still alarming.  I had a red rash on my leg that also hurt at certain odd spots when I moved.  Notably on the thigh and below the knee.  At the time, I thought I could simply tough it out, and wait for it to go away.  Turns out that your motivation for toughing the pain away goes down dramatically when the pain doesn’t go away.

This perplexed me, because I hadn’t been in any kind of extraneous activity lately.  The closest thing I could think of was when I accidentally twisted my leg while in an uncomfortable position around the debris in my room.  But that shouldn’t have caused what was keeping me from moving properly.  Another confounding analysis was that I’d bruised my leg before, but it was the other leg that hurt.  My body has a strange reaction to pain.

My sense of taste was heightened, yet I could hardly eat anything, and was throwing up multiple times in the middle of the night.  I couldn't eat a hardboiled egg, finding it loathsome even as I choked it down. To paraphrase a saying, when you're tired of eating, you're tired of life.  But I developed a taste for fruit. I liked the strawberry jam, but didn't like the strawberries. The grapes and pineapple and the cantaloupe tasted good. I even ate some off-brand clementines that had too much pulp, and finished off the leftover grape juice.

The last time I’d felt this bad was when I had my Kawasaki, which ironically enough, has some Covid-related symptoms.  If I experienced a milder version of what’s currently running around, then there was a chance I might be asymptomatic, and if so, take all precautions in preventing others from being affected.

What I was most upset about was that very same week, I had an appointment with my audiologist to get a replacement for getting my hearing aid replaced.  I’d been given a loaner after my old h-aid conked out, and was fortunate to have that done in March when the Pandemic just started.  (It's a wonder the loaner lasted as long as it did without breaking down.)  But before I could apply for a new model, I needed to do a hearing test to be eligible for a replacement, proving that I was deaf and hadn’t been faking it all these years.  And I couldn’t attend the simple 5-minute procedure since in terms of detecting dearness during a virus-laden society, it was low priority.

But now, it looked like I might not even BE able to make it to my audiologist, my mental willpower notwithstanding.  The pain was starting to severely intervene with my motor functions, my temperature fluctuated between a high of 101 and a low of 98.6, and I had a headache along with a high fever, all typical symptoms of Covid, though my breathing remained the same.  Any potential sniffle and cough was cause for alarm when they happened, and was only relieved when they’re gone the next day.  It’d been two days now, and my leg still hurt, even with applying cold compresses to the affected areas.  I looked up my symptoms online, trying to find a stronger link between my leg rash and Covid, and didn’t see much of one.  Not seeing an obvious connection, I looked up pain in the leg.  The results showed bruising and blood clots, but nothing specific.

Eventually, the pain got to the point that I figured I might as well bring attention to my parents.   When I showed them the upper portions of my thighs, they reacted with alarm.  Not at the discolouring rashes or my nonexistent shallow breathing, but from seeing the state of my knees.

I’d always had severely callused knees, not because of any kind of rough-housing, but because I often spent a large amount of time in front of the computer on my knees.  This was a result from not only shifting positions from sitting down for long periods of time at end (I know, I know, sitting is the new smoking), and also needing to feel the direct pressure of the desk against my stomach, which the thin veneer of the edge isn’t enough to satisfy me.  My early days of using the computer were of the bulky suitcases-sized variety which required heavy desks that could withstand their weight, and had large boards to press against.  Today’s makeshift desks now have a flimsy slidable tray keeping a far distance away from the keyboard, which isn’t to my liking.  To this day, I still have a kind of nostalgia for those oldschool wooden desks and chairs, even though my size and mass no longer fits.  In fact, attempts to squeeze into that wedged space is something of a guilty pleasure.

But it turns out those days of kneeling on my knees more often than a church preacher had unintended side effects.  In addition to building up calluses that flaked over my knees as a symbol of inappropriate pride, the resultant buildup was a pathway for pathogens to come through, and had a high risk of infection.  And it was likely a malignant virus unrelated to Covid could’ve entered my bloodstream.

I’d been warned about my knees numerous times in the past, but this was the first time it really sunk in that it could be detrimental to my health.  After all, one of the highest risk of old people is their legs, and like horses, when they can no longer properly walk, their independence fades away into the harsh sunset of the glue factory.  For all my precautions at avoiding human contact, I’d foolhardily allowed a backdoor into my body at a knee-high level.

My parents had gone out of their way to make things easier for me during this state of emergency.  My Dad braved out on shopping excursions, even though he could’ve simply ordered what he needed.  My mother bought a bunch of transparent plastic masks to make it easier for me to lipread people, and here I was, making things more difficult for them at their most busiest.  I always seem to get sick at the worst possible times, when it’s most inconvenient, such as when I had my gout.

Since going out to a clinic at this late hour (it was around 7:00 or so), my parents had to make do with getting a secondhand diagnosis with a family doctor by sending photos of the infected area.  It’s much easier to get an accurate result when you can see the symptoms for yourself.  After some back and forth conversation I was completely unaware of, the general consensus was that I most likely had Cellulitis, a deep infection inside my leg that could severely affect my internal nervous system and blood pressure if left untreated.  For this, I needed to take some antibiotics and painkillers for 2 weeks until it went away.

I thought my old antibiotic cream would still work, and I’d only applied deliberately when certain body areas developed a scab from overuse.  Turns out I wasn’t aware that there was an expiration date, and needed to get replaced, since it’d been sitting on the counter for over 10 years.

So my Dad went out to get the prescription for antibiotic pills and cream to apply over the infected area.  The cream insisted on washing the affected area first, and since it was to be applied twice a day, I opted for simplicity by taking a shower.  Easier than lifting my leg to fit under the faucet sink.  Then, after drying myself off, I’d apply two kinds of cream on my leg, the clear one first, and the milky white one after, taking care to wash my hands before and after.  While waiting for the cream to take effect, I noticed that the points where my leg hurt the most was the most used spots for when I’d rest my elbows in the bathroom.  So I couldn’t even enjoy reading in the ‘library’.

I thought this would be enough, but my parents didn’t want to take any unnecessary risks, and wanted to follow the doctor’s recommendation that I go to the hospital immediately.  Unfortunately, I couldn’t go to the hospital right at that moment because it was late at night, and raining, making for precarious driving conditions, even in the event of a potential emergency.  No point in getting into an accident and having to go to the hospital via ambulance.  Better to go early in the morning instead.

That night, I had trouble sleeping, not just from the pain in my leg, but my thoughts constantly racing over the certainty that I was going to die without having accomplished anything I’d set myself out for.  I still had loads of notes that still hadn’t been jotted down for my Web Novel which I’d kept putting off.  I had piles of old articles on Asperger’s I’d been organizing and left an awful mess out of.  One thing I can tell you, the fear of impending death is a great motivator for firing up the creative juices. Nothing like the impending threat of morality breathing down your back to motivate you to get your writing down.  That's why they call them DEADlines.  It’s also an appetite suppressor, though I wouldn’t recommend it as a diet plan.

Even though we were supposed to leave at 5:00 AM, I was so upset I couldn’t stand waiting, and sleeping on the wrong side (my hurt leg kept me from feeling comfortable) and having a thick Reader’s Digest Medical hardcover pressed against my stomach during times of stress wasn’t helping me much either.  I started off by preparing food for the upcoming trip, peeling the pulp off the off-brand clementines and packing grapes off their stems wrapped in napkins to absorb the moisture, not knowing just how long I would have to wait.  (No point using perfectly good paper towels when we’ve got plenty of napkins)

My Dad found me in the bathroom at 4:00 AM, throwing up for the third time and decided to leave earlier than expected, which was something of a relief, getting the suspense over with.  However, he was such a meticulous planner that, even with the two of us departing at an earlier schedule, we still wound up leaving at 5:00 anyways.

This early in the morning, there wasn’t much traffic, but still a few cars running at stop lights.  I was annoyed that even in the presence of a pandemic, there were still too many people around.  The air was cold, and the parking spot we found was far away from the main entrance, so we had to make our trek there, and I rushed peg-leg style, impatient to get this ordeal over and done with.

Upon arriving and seeing the white plastic sheet covering everything at the rear entrance of the Emergency room, all the strength went out of my legs, and I had to force myself to take further steps towards the daunting doorway, the enormity of the situation I was walking into began to weigh down on me.

I was guided to a waiting room with the resident nurse who’d determine the severeness of my illness, and where I’d get the chance to use the latest feature app on my Android cell phone, Live Transcribe, which I wrote an essay for a volunteer organization in a hearing magazine.  (Reproduced below)

Obituary: “Who was the Host of Jeopardy!”?

Since 1984 this well-known and widely beloved television game show host lent intelligence and class to one of the most popular quiz programs in TV history, until his passing today at the age of eighty.  --Karl J Martin

In a roller-coaster Chinese cursed year filled with unexpected disastrous cataclysmatic results, the death of Alex Trebek feels more like an anticlimax.  After the diagnosis of stage 4 pancreatic cancer, we all knew it was likely coming, but it still took us by surprise.  He continued to keep up his Jeopardy! appearances, allaying the illusion that everything was still fine, so the ensuing impact still felt like a low blow.

If there’s one thing that everybody seems to agree on, it’s that Alex Trebek was widely looked upon as a gentleman with hardly anybody saying a bad word of him.  He was one of the few universally loved and trusted figures left.  This was accomplished via his indefatigable gracious manner and sense of humour, always ready and willing to make a joke. "I try not to take myself too seriously," he told an interviewer in 2004. "I don't want to come off as a pompous ass and indicate that I know everything when I don't."

From MAD 347, "If God were One of Us".

For as long as I’ve known, he’s always been the host of Jeopardy!, and had a distinctive mustache.  But before that, he tried out at various roles, covering news, sports and other gameshows that have long since passed public consciousness, such as "The Wizard of Odds," "High Rollers," "The $128,000 Question", "Double Dare", "To Tell the Truth" and "Classic Concentration."  The ironic part is that back then, Alex Trebek remarked that “I don't want to do this all my life. Hell, I don't even watch game shows.”  Hardly the words of someone who would become a defining element of a nationally syndicated game show.

From MAD 350, "Quotes You Can Bet Were Never Said"

Perhaps it’s because Jeopardy! demanded a higher degree of knowledge from the contestants that other shows didn’t that elevated Alex Trebek to giving higher quality services that was absent elsewhere.

It also didn’t hurt that Alex Trebek kept his known reputation as a honorary Canadian, being a natural ambassador, and his playful attitude helped play down his reservoir of knowledge, even as he was regarded as the guy who “was arrogant because he had all the answers”.

And yet, even when the contestants were doing unevenly, when the contestants bet badly on True Daily Doubles, when the answers given were incorrectly stated, he never made anybody feel bad about having given the wrong answers.  Even on the rare instance where all three contestants failed to win in the final round.

When the Coronavirus was rampaging and Alex was recuperating, there were some old Jeopardy! reruns shown, back when the show had it’s name shown in giant blinking lights (leaving out the grand prizes presentations before announcing the final Jeopardy category, which was just filling up airtime).  One thing that surprised me was that back then, the interview with the contestants - which normally took place after the commercial break - happened before the commercials.

Somebody really should compile a collection of his most humourous lines.  Sometimes he’d give amusing feedback when reading the categories.  In one such instance, in an interview with one of the contestants, he’d mentioned he wasn’t good in classic opera.  And guess what specific category showed up?  The very same category the contestant was bad at.  To this, Alex simply muttered, “Uh-oh.”

A suitable replacement for Alex would be impossible to find, but the most speculated candidate would be Ken Jennings, fabled 74-time winner.  That would be quite the coup, going from long-lasting contestant to taking over the role of gameshow host.  Sadly, it turns out that Ken Jennings along with two other former Jeopardy! contestants is going onto another quiz game, The Chase.  We'll see if the show has any brand-name recognition a year later.  As a joke, Alex Trebek suggested that the person to replace him would be Betty White of Golden Girls fame, since audiences would want "somebody younger, somebody funnier to replace him."

The outpouring of affectionate compassion displayed towards Alex Trebek is in stark contrast to another certain gameshow host who thus shall remain nameless.  For future reference, the unnamed individual-1 shall henceforth be known only as "Ol' Whatsisname".

In fact, there's a surprising number of Jeopardy! comics devoted to crime, which is a stark contrast to the $64,000 Show, scandalized for informing the long-running challengers of the answers beforehand.

"What if we gave the contestants the answers?"

"Isn't that how the trouble started?"

"But then, they'd have to figure out the questions."

And that's how Jeopardy! was born. 

It's going to feel weird not having Johnny Gilbert introduce him anymore.  But at least Alex produced a lot of shows before his death.  His last airing will fittingly enough, be on Christmas Eve.

The Darkest Silliest Stupidest Timeline (2019)

“Who’s got the worstest disposition? One guess — guess who! Who’d always, always start an argument? Who never shows a bit of compassion? Who’s always wrong but never right? Who’d always dream of starting a fight? Who sticks bad luck with all the chumps? No one but Donald Trump!” 

"You don't need to see the evidence that absolutely exonerates us completely!"

This is the last of the collected Facebook subjects and commentary from 2019, back when things seemed like they couldn’t possibly get worse, they suddenly did.  The Mueller report turned out to be a dud.  Impeachment fell apart due to a large section of Republican Senators simply refusing to condemn their beloved President, even as he continued to disparage them.

There’s nothing new that I can possibly add to the table that hasn’t already been said hundreds of times already.  You’ve made up your mind if you haven’t been convinced otherwise.  Or when Trump says we want more immigration from places like Norway. WHAT COULD HE BE IMPLYING?  "No shenanigans. I only want Norwegians."

Considering the current Chinese Curse, I'm sure we can agree that we'd LOVE to be bored.  I'd just like to have a Liberal President and a Liberal Prime Minister working together for longer than a year.

Whenever a white guy goes on a killing spree (and let's face it, it's almost always a white guy) the first reaction is usually, "Wow, he must be crazy." But if the killer is a Muslim or a person of color, the state of his mental health is rarely if ever questioned; it's just assumed that he's violent and dangerous because that's what "those people" are like.

White Supremacy IS a Mental Illness, though you'd never hear them admit it.

"It's utterly discriminatory to label all white guys as having mental health issues!"

Are These ‘I’d Rather Be a Russian Than a Democrat’ Shirts Real?

Then: "Better Dead than a Red!"

Now: "Better Red than a Dead!"

Trump 'not even sure' his team requested the USS John McCain be kept out of sight

"Maybe it happened and maybe it didn't! Who can know for sure?"

Trump finds a Rear Admiral willing to take the fall for his incorrect Alabama hurricane projection

"Go to jail. Go STRAIGHT to jail. And pay me $200."

This poor naive fool must think he is saving the President's honor from liberal slander.

Trump will merely see, "what else can I blame on this tool?  He cheated on my taxes! And defunded building the wall! And wrote every misspelled tweet! Everything everybody complains about was his fault! But not the Chinese Tariffs! That is still the greatest deal I've ever made!"

Tax documents show Trump businesses lost more than $1 billion in a decade

"HEY! Those are private!  And you have to spend money to make money!"

Trump campaign rebukes ‘dishonest fundraising groups,’ in veiled swipe at former top aide David Bossie

"Only *I* am allowed to spend funds fraudulently!"

A frustrated Trump questions his administration’s Venezuela strategy

"I can't build any hotels there!"

How long can Dems hold back on impeachment?

Hypothetical question - if the Democrats take back the Senate AND keep their seats on Congress, AND Trump somehow STILL gets re-elected, can they impeach a re-elected President?

Nixon was re-elected.

Yes, but did the impeachment proceedings happen on Election Day?

They could, if Trump wins Electoral College but loses popular vote again.

Trump says John Kerry ‘should be prosecuted’ for meetings with Iranian officials

Said Trump: “I’d like to see — with Iran, I’d like to see them call me. You know, John Kerry speaks to them a lot. John Kerry tells them not to call. That’s a violation of the Logan Act. And frankly, he should be prosecuted on that. But my people don’t want to do anything that’s — only the Democrats do that kind of stuff, you know? If it were the opposite way, they’d prosecute him under the Logan Act.”

He keeps whine-threatening. AND text-complaining. Governing via passive-aggressiveness, aggressive-aggressiveness AND massive-aggressiveness.

White Supremacists Chant 'Six Million More' After Crashing Holocaust Remembrance Day Event In Arkansas

These people constantly deny the Holocaust happened, yet cry out for a genocide of Jews and minorities.

Tennessee judge posts article stating Jews should ‘get the f*** over the Holocaust’

"So, you're saying there WAS a holocaust?"

"There totally wasn't! And anyways, we should kill another 6 million just to be sure!"

Trump says he’d ‘absolutely’ send troops to the Middle East

Trump dismissed last night’s New York Times story on the administration’s internal debate over sending 120,000 troops to the Middle East to counter Iran as “fake news.”

But, he added: “Would I do that? Absolutely. But we have not planned for that. Hopefully we won’t have to plan for that. If we did that we would send a hell of a lot more troops than that.”

"We would send twelve million troops over. Maybe even twelve billion troops."

"That's more than the population of - "

"Twelve trillion troops."

Cohen told lawmakers Trump attorney Jay Sekulow instructed him to falsely claim Moscow project ended in January 2016

"What can I say that won't get anybody in trouble?"

"Try 'I Resign.'"

"I refuse to answer on the grounds that I might get in trouble."

Trump on impeachment and Nixon: ‘He left. I don’t leave.’

The difference between him and Richard Nixon.  "Everybody leaves me. I don't leave. I've always been here."

Exclusive: Trump Calls Alleged Iranian Attack on Oil Tankers 'Very Minor'

"It was the SMALLEST attack done on one of our ships. Hardly anything worth mentioning. Why are we still talking about this? We should be talking about MY ship!"

Trump Tells His Team to Tone Down the Tough Talk on Iran

What does Iran have on Trump?

Britain's man in the the US says Trump is 'inept'

"He's the most inept political figure we've ever seen.  And considering that we have Boris Johnson, that's saying something."

Ross Perot, self-made billionaire, patriot and philanthropist, dies at 89

NO! Now he'll NEVER be President!

We hired the author of 'Black Hawk Down' and an illustrator from 'Archer' to adapt the Mueller report so you'll actually read it

"Have you read the Mueller report yet?"

"I'm waiting for the movie to come out."

Feds end investigation into Trump Org and hush money payments

“Federal prosecutors in New York have ended their investigation into the Trump Organization’s role in hush money payments made to women who alleged affairs with President Trump and have been ordered by a judge to release additional information connected to their related probe of former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen.”

"Our investigation in Trump's illegal dealing has ended. Now, we move on to the next fifty dozen investigations on Trump's illegal dealings!"

One of the more disappointing abuses of power is the ICE rounding up of immigrants at the border, separating children from their parents and putting them in cages all in an effort to discourage crossing the border and justifying the existence of the Trump Wall, which is this century's Maginot line.

"What are you complaining about? Stop calling it a Holocaust Genocide! ONLY five million people have died so far! And we're getting calls for MORE deaths, so we're not as bad as you think!  It’s one million less deaths than the first holocaust, which probably never happened!"

Candace Owens visits ICE immigration center: "It's nicer than every school I attended!"

WHAT SCHOOL DID SHE GO TO?!

"Put Them All In A Gas Chamber," A Militia Member Allegedly Said While Stopping Migrants At The Border

But sure, they're not Concentration Camps.

Senate Candidate Arrested Trying To Deliver Supplies To Detained Kids

"The Democrats are to blame for our not-Concentration Camps not having enough faculties!"

"Here, have some supplies."

"What you're trying to do is illegal. Stop being decent!"

Justice Department plans to restart capital punishment after long hiatus

“The Justice Department announced Thursday that it plans to resume executing prisoners awaiting the death penalty, ending almost two decades in which the federal government had not imposed capital punishment on prisoners.”

"Stop calling our Immigration Detention chambers Concentration camps! They're not Death camps!"

"Yet."

Ohio Trump campaign chair Kathy Miller says there was 'no racism' before Obama

"If there weren't uppity Black people, Racism wouldn't exist!"

Very Rich Betsy DeVos Has 10 Boats, Two Helicopters, A Yacht Scheduler And A Lavish Lifestyle You Can't Afford

"I NEED those five yachts to take me to work!"

"Your office is near the highway. WHAT KIND OF WORK DO YOU DO?!"

"Gotta have someplace to live once all the ice caps melt!"

So many the Republicans had a pressing need to have more yachts than spending money on their citizens for things they might actually need, such as food, education and medicine.  And now, thanks to pleasure cruises being cancelled, those very same large ships are being shipped to the scrapyard.  How's that investment working out for you so far?

Trump is increasingly relying on himself — not his aides — in trade war with China

"Once all my competitors go bankrupt, I'll buy them up at bargain-basement rates!  And I'll put my name on all of them!"

Superior man believed he was acting on Trump's orders in attacking boy for wearing hat during national anthem

"GOD told me to do it."

"That's no legal defense."

"In his mind, the President is GOD."

"Oh, that makes it all better then."

"Are you being sarcastic, your Honor?"

"At this point, I can no longer tell."

Bank of America raises chance of a recession to 1-in-3 in the next 12 months

"40% in the next 11 months."

"No, 50% in the next 10 months."

"No, 60% in the next 3 months."

"Enough with these monthly updates!"

"These are daily updates."

Ken Cuccinelli: Statue Of Liberty Poem About ‘People Coming From Europe’

Asked Burnett: “‘Wretched,’ ‘poor,’ ‘refuse’ – right? That’s what the poem says America is supposed to stand for. So what do you think America stands for?”

Said Cuccinelli: “Well, of course, that poem was referring back to people coming from Europe, where they had class-based societies, where people were considered wretched if they weren’t in the right class.”

"White people and 10s only!"

Mark Sanford says he’s ‘growing ever closer’ to launching a GOP primary challenge against Trump

"We're approaching Zeno's Paradox levels of getting there."

North Korea Launches 2 Projectiles; South Korean Experts Blame Trump

"They promised to only aim at countries that wouldn't let me build hotels on 'em."

Trump keeps pushing anti-Semitic stereotypes. But he thinks he’s praising Jews.

“So is Trump a philo-Semite or an anti-Semite? The answer is both. The principle that explains his seemingly contradictory outlook toward Jews is simple: Trump believes all the anti-Semitic stereotypes about Jews. But he sees those traits as admirable.”

“To Trump, the belief that Jews are foreign interlopers who use their wealth to serve their own clannish interests is not a negative — as it is for traditional anti-Semites — but rather a positive. He wants Jews to be his attorneys and manage his money, so that he, too, can be rich. He wants them in his political corner, so that he, too, can be powerful. He wants to buy politicians, just like they do.”

“As a man who has always stood solely for his own naked self-interest, Trump does not see the anti-Semitic conception of the self-interested Jew as a complaint, but rather a compliment. He prioritizes his needs ahead of the national interest, and so he sees the idea that Jews might do the same with themselves or with Israel as entirely natural.”

"I'm signing to make it legal to put blood in bread."

"That's an anti-Semitic MYTH."

"There's a myth?"

Trump cancels trip to Poland, says he is staying in the U.S. to monitor Hurricane Dorian

"I'll go invade Poland later.  There's no buttered popcorn. And I can't throw a nuke at Puerto Rico. This is the most boring hurricane ever since the last one!"

Republicans Criticize Trump's Planned Meeting With The Taliban Scheduled Days Before 9/11

"How DARE Trump make the Republicans look bad!"

This is literally the plot of Liberality for All, a Right-wing political comic about the fear of being in an ultra-Liberal extremist society where Osama Bin Ladin is a UN ambassador, and Michael Moore is Vice President.

"The Taliban never drove a plane in MY towers! They can't be all that bad! And my tower became the highest towers in New York! Higher than the Empire State Building! Look at this comparison chart!"

"Isn't this drawn with a sharpie - "

"THE HIGHEST."

"Aren't you taking advantage of a national tragedy - "

"Less than 3,000 people actually died there! And the 9,000 Jews who were warned off should PAY for it!"

Trump cancels secret meeting with Taliban leaders, Afghan president after attack

"Let me build a hotel in Afghanistan! Then you can fly all the planes you want into it, and I'll collect the insurance! It's Win-Lose!"

‘You’re a prop in the back’: Advisers struggle to obey Trump’s Kafkaesque rules

Said one former Trump official: “There is no person that is part of the daily Trump decision-making process that can survive long term. The president doesn’t like people to get good press. He doesn’t like people to get bad press. Yet he expects everyone to be relevant and important and supportive at all times. Even if a person could do all those things, the president would grow tired of anyone in his immediate orbit.”

Schoedinger's Heisenberg efficiency candidate.

8 Years of Trump Tax Returns Are Subpoenaed by Manhattan D.A.

"...you can have the years 1914, 1920, 1921, 1922, 1940, 1944, 1962 and 2000, though 1980-2019 are off-limits, as well are 1920-1922, and anything between 1939 and 1945."

Trump says he is worthy of a Nobel Prize ‘for a lot of things’ — but isn’t treated fairly

There's no Nobel Prize for "Most Compulsive Liar".

"Well there SHOULD be!"

Senate Republicans split over Trump urging Ukrainian leader to investigate Biden

"It was an awful mistake, but not THAT big a mistake if the Democrats are complaining about it."

Trump without strategy in fast-moving impeachment inquiry

"I'm not in trouble!" says President in trouble.

-He doesn't have strategies. ever.

-As noted elsewhere, he is REALLY BAD when under pressure; it's just that we rarely see him under actual, real, minute-to-minute pressure. (The Mueller investigation was a long-term slow cooker.) Right now he's having to make one decision after another, and blowing any one decision makes everything exponentially worse, and he's blowing quite a few. (To be fair, I don't know that releasing the report and the memo were actually BAD ideas because they were going to come out eventually anyway, but still, he made the call and they didn't help him and now he's panicking harder.)

-Both he AND Rudy, within hours of each other, made perfectly clear how much evidence they were willing to give up on other people to save themselves. They're basically the equivalent of a sweaty 19-year-old perp in the ninth hour of a police interrogation when the detective says "let's start over from the beginning" and they have no idea of the order of the previous lies they told.

The Risks of Impeachment Are Overblown

"Those pleas for not being thrown in the briar patch turns out not to have lived in the briar patch all their lives."

Shortly after he got news that he was being investigated by the FBI, you'd think Trump would ease off on doing so much illegal activity.  Nope.  It only spurred him on further.

Donald Trump’s Call With Ukrainian Leader, One Day After Robert Mueller’s Congressional Testimony, Shows the President Is a Brazen Criminal

“Donald Trump just barely avoided prosecution earlier this year when special counsel Robert Mueller pulled his punches and refused to indict the president for either obstruction of justice or campaign finance violations in connection with the Trump-Russia investigation. Mueller’s decision not to indict Trump came despite overwhelming evidence in Mueller’s own final report that the president of the United States was guilty of a crime.”

“Most people who survive that kind of legal threat would lie low, at least for a while, and try to get back to some level of normalcy. But Trump is a habitual criminal, and his reaction to escaping Mueller’s investigation was to go on yet another crime spree.”

“In fact, Trump has been acting like a bank robber who beat one rap because of a technicality, and so decides to rob every bank in sight.”

"You just beat the indictment! What are you going to do now?"

"I'mma gonna rob a bank."

Orange President Blames Light Bulbs for Making Him Orange

Truly, we are living in the darkest timeline.  Literally.

Trump demands Schiff resign over account of Ukraine call

Trump on Friday demanded House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff (D-CA) “immediately” resign from Congress for reading what the congressman described as a parody of the president’s phone call with Ukraine’s leader that is at the center of a whistleblower complaint, The Hill reports.

Tweeted Trump: “He was supposedly reading the exact transcribed version of the call, but he completely changed the words to make it… sound horrible, and me sound guilty.”

He added: “He was desperate and he got caught. Adam Schiff therefore lied to Congress and attempted to defraud the American Public. He has been doing this for two years. I am calling for him to immediately resign from Congress based on this fraud!”

I mean, if we want to change it so that anyone who misleads the public in any form has to immediately resign, well, Donnie, I don't think that's a *particular* rule you want to see put into action...

"I DIDN'T MISLEAD! IT'S THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA THAT CONSTANTLY PUTS ME IN A BAD LIGHT! Also, bad lightbulbs."

Reporter Laura Litvan says she gets three responses from Republican senators when she asks them about the whisteblower report:

1. “I haven’t seen the whistleblower report so I can’t comment.”

2. “I’m a potential juror if there’s a Senate trial so I shouldn’t comment.”

3. Radio silence, pursed lips, rapid escape.

I'll only enforce the law of the land if it doesn't interfere with my re-election. "

Trump admin. questions more than 100 Clinton aides in renewed email probe

"Trump's been found doing collusion. This is clearly Hillary's fault! Somehow!"

History will be cruel to many who saw Trump treachery and DIDN’T become whistle-blowers | Will Bunch

"Looks like it's time to erase/rewrite history!"

Bill Clinton Had a Strategy. Trump Is Doing the Opposite.

"Clinton didn't know what he was doing! I'm the clear winner here!"

Frequent Fox Hosts diGenova and Toensing Reportedly Teamed Up With Giuliani on Ukraine-Biden:

"You know, there are more impeachable revelations per HOUR than I ever expected."

"This is normal behavior. If the President did something truly objectionable, we'd act on it."

"He was caught on camera having oral sex with an underage intern!"

"Perfectly normal behavior."

The GOP’s choice: Betray Trump or betray the country?

Decisions... decisions...

Mick Mulvaney predicts post-impeachment election landslide for Trump

"100% of the population of the US will vote for Trump."

"That's simply impossible - "

"110% or else."

"The math doesn't - "

"He can win with 30% of the vote if 100% of everybody else doesn't show up!"

Novelist Jonathan Lethem: "There is no allegory crude enough" to capture Trump's America

"If you were pitching today's reality as a book or TV series, it would be outright rejected for being too unrealistic. No one would believe it. No one could buy it. It would be too outlandish for anyone to think America would allow themselves to be willingly duped by such an obvious conman. And yet, here we are."

Inside Trump’s Botched Attempt to Hire Trey Gowdy

“For 24 hours last week, Trey Gowdy, the former South Carolina congressman best known for leading congressional investigations of Hillary Clinton, was the new face of President Trump’s outside legal defense and a symbol of a streamlined effort to respond to a fast-moving impeachment inquiry.”

“A day later, the arrangement fell apart, with lobbying rules prohibiting Mr. Gowdy from starting until January, possibly after the inquiry is over. Now, according to two people familiar with events, Mr. Gowdy is never expected to join the team. And Trump advisers are back to square one, searching for a different lawyer.”

"Lionel Hutz, A.K.A. Miguel Sanchez A.K.A. Dr. Nguyen Van Thoc A.K.A. Saul Goodman A.K.A. the guy working in Kripsy Kreme was found for his actions in protecting the drug lord known as Heisenberg. He will be jailed for 30 days and fined $8."

Graham called the House impeachment process a “danger to the future of the presidency,” Bloomberg reports.

"If you can impeach Presidents willy-nilly, it'll threaten the whole American institution!"

How Trump Lost the Impeachment Narrative

“Catchphrases have always defined Donald Trump’s presidency. In the same way that ‘no collusion, no obstruction’ went hand in hand with the Mueller report, Democrats have managed to turn ‘quid pro quo’ into the tagline for the current impeachment inquiry. It’s perhaps the first time since Trump entered office that Democrats have managed to wrangle the first word on a presidential scandal—which puts them in a better position than ever to have the final word, too.”

“Caught in unfamiliar terrain, the White House appears to be lost in this pivotal moment. And Republicans, bereft of guidance, have found themselves either mangling their attempts to defend the president or, as a growing number appear to be, unwilling to even try.”

"No quid pro quo!"

"There WAS quid pro quo."

"Stop stealing my best lines! That's a quid pro quo!"

The Trump Impeachment Inquiry Should Become Public

Tell Trump he'll get great ratings. He'll jump at the chance to show how GREAT he is at debating!

Key Witness in Impeachment Inquiry Asks Federal Court to Rule Over Testifying

“A key witness in the impeachment investigation filed a lawsuit Friday asking a federal judge to rule on whether he can testify, a move that raises new doubts about whether President Trump’s closest aides, like the former national security adviser, John Bolton, will be able to cooperate with the inquiry,” the New York Times reports.

“House Democrats had subpoenaed the witness, Charles Kupperman, who served as Mr. Trump’s deputy national security adviser, to testify on Monday. But in an effort to stop Mr. Kupperman from doing so, the White House said on Friday that the president had invoked ‘constitutional immunity,’

Kirk Boxleitner "Constitutional immunity." They're literally just throwing out bullshit phrases.

WTF does that even MEAN? Is he trying to create some kind of constitutional executive privilege bullshit? Does he actually think that shit exists?

HOW has Pence not invoked the 25th yet? Is he too stupid or too cowardly? Or both?

Again, Pence wants to be president even less than WE want him to be president.

This is what happens when dime-store lawyers try to wing it.

-And yeah, "constitutional immunity" literally has no precedent of any kind, anywhere. It doesn't even have a DEFINITION. I would bet five PayPal dollars that, if the judge asked Trump's lawyers what "constitutional immunity" actually MEANS, they’d react like trying to explain sunny-bird law.

-I don't even think this is dime store winging. I think Trump said that out loud, believed it was brilliant, convinced himself that BECAUSE it was brilliant it MUST be in the Constitution, and the lawyers are running with it just for the paycheck. They still get paid, win or lose, so they're just taking the easy route and nodding and smiling, because what good will arguing logic, reason, and fact do?

-"It means exactly what it means! Immunity from the Constitution!"

-The problem is, past a certain point of disingenuously dumb, you can literally lose your law license for making arguments like this.

With as much trouble Trump’s made with his constant tweeting, you’d think someone on his staff would try to take his phone away from him.  Or at least have the company ban him.

Twitter to start refusing all political ads

"What about Trump?"

"His posts barely even qualify as being political."

Former Acting Attorney General: ‘Abuse of Power Is Not a Crime’

"It's not a crime when the President abuses power!"

Why Congress Might Impeach Trump and Actually Remove Him From Office

"We need to re-enact the sniping scene in the Shawskank Redemption."

"Mr. President! The Deep State's trying to kill you!"

Trump’s War on the ‘Deep State’ Turns Against Him

Nameless, faceless and voiceless, the C.I.A. officer who first triggered the greatest threat to President Trump’s tenure in office seemed to be practically the embodiment of the ‘deep state’ that the president has long accused of trying to take him down.”

“But over the last three weeks, the deep state has emerged from the shadows in the form of real live government officials, past and present, who have defied a White House attempt to block cooperation with House impeachment investigators and provided evidence that largely backs up the still-anonymous whistle-blower.”

Turns out the real Deep Staters were the Republican Senators we 'made' all along.

“The whole reason Trump's presidency has survived as long as it has is that he's ran a Gish Gallop of impeachable offenses past us in public, in real time.”

Gish Gallop, takin' a plop. Runnin' 'round like a horsie clop.

Trump dismisses need for impeachment team: 'I'm the team. I did nothing wrong.'

"I alone am strong enough to take on everyone at once."

"With all due respect sir, you're not a Dalek."

"Of course not! I'm much more stronger, smarter and handsomer than a Dialek!"

"You know what a Dalek is, right?"

"Dialups are nothing compared to me!"

"They're a genocidal race hell-bent on exterminating anything that's not a Dalek."

"Sounds like my kind of people! Ring them up and see if they'll allow one of my hotels on their properties!"

'I feel bad that I left': John Kelly warned Trump he would be impeached

"I hated every second spent together, and wish I'd stayed longer."

Schumer: 'Increasingly worried' Trump will shut down government over impeachment

"They can't impeach me if the Government's shutdown, can they? Let's find out!"

Trump invites Republican senators for lunch and makes his case against impeachment

"I am the least impeachable President in all of history!"

As Trump moves to bully witnesses and derail impeachment, Democrats see obstruction

"I am the most innocent President that ever existed! These are the actions of a totally innocent man!"

Trump’s Allies Growing Desperate for Defenses of Ukraine Scandal

"We don't need a WAR room! We need a Peace room to protect us from all this WAR going on around us!"

“He is the war room. We don’t feel the need for a war room.”

— White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham, on Fox News, dismissing the need for a “war room” to defend President Trump from impeachment.

"He sucks so much oxygen in the room he's practically a room unto himself."

Lindsey Graham claims Trump is too incompetent to pull off a quid pro quo

"He had to get someone like me to do it for him!"

A defense that Trump overturned almost immediately:

Trump wants you to know he’s smart enough to do Quid Pro Quo

"So, there WAS a quid pro quo?"

"I'm a master negotiator! I could've easily quid pro quoed anytime I wanted!"

There’s a Surprisingly Plausible Path to Removing Trump From Office

By most everyone’s judgment, the Senate will not vote to remove President Donald Trump from office if the House impeaches him. But what if senators could vote on impeachment by secret ballot? If they didn’t have to face backlash from constituents or the media or the president himself, who knows how many Republican senators would vote to remove?

A secret impeachment ballot might sound crazy, but it’s actually quite possible. In fact, it would take only three senators to allow for that possibility.

"Did you vote for the removal of the most inept corrupt President ever, or did you vote against the Party? Tell us!"

"Okay, let's get this covert meeting to get the President removed started."

"HEY TRUMP! THERE'S SOME GUYS WHO WANT TO GET RID OF YOU! I HAVE THEIR NAMES!"

Then there was the time that Trump was mysteriously in the hospital for unspecific reasons.

President Trump spent more than two hours at Walter Reed National Medical Center on Saturday for what the White House said were medical tests as part of his annual physical,

The appointment wasn’t on Trump’s weekend public schedule, and his last physical was in February. Press secretary Stephanie Grisham said the 73-year-old president was ‘anticipating a very busy 2020’ and wanted to take advantage of ‘a free weekend’ in Washington to begin portions of his routine checkup.

She did not specify which tests he’d received or explain why the visit had not been disclosed in advance.

Normally, under these conditions, this would be considered a sign of stress catching up to Trump, and a reason for resigning early for health reasons.  But these are hardly normal times.

"The President has some solemn words to say to the nation."

"As a result of this unfairly biased witch hunt - the greatest we've ever seen! - I have been given my latest medical test results, and as I thought, I am the healthiest individual that ever lived."

"No, you were supposed to say the opposite!"

The hosts of Fox & Friends asked President Trump not to tweet during today’s impeachment hearings: “The president should just ignore this whole thing… Don’t get outraged over it. It ticks you off.”

 "Don't add more fuel to the fire."

"I'mma gonna drive the gasoline tank over to the suicide protesters!"

Giuliani associate willing to tell Congress Nunes met with ex-Ukrainian official to get dirt on Biden

"If you're associated with Ukraine dealings, you can't be on the Impeachment board anymore. It would be a conflict of interest. You'll have to be replaced by someone else not involved."

"You may have trouble finding another Republican for that role."

Rick Perry dances toward the exits

He didn’t resign under fire for making sweetheart apartment deals with lobbyists, engaging in dodgy real estate development plans or racking up more than $1 million in taxpayer-funded flights. So by those standards, Energy Secretary Rick Perry’s tenure as a member of President Trump’s Cabinet could count as a relative success.

"SEE! We found ONE guy who wasn't unfairly called corrupt!"

"...yet."

Poll: Majority of Republicans say Trump better president than Lincoln

"This is no longer the party of Lincoln. This is the party of Trump."

"Lincoln was too Liberal to be a Republican! He freed the slaves!"

The job no GOP senator wants: 'I'd rather have a root canal'

Sen. Johnny Isakson (R-GA) is set to retire in approximately a month, creating an opening atop the Senate Ethics Committee, a behind-the-scenes panel responsible for enforcing standards of behavior for senators and their staffs and investigating potential violations of federal law or the Senate’s rules.”

But GOP senators who spoke with The Hill, including current members of the committee, had a nearly universal response when asked if they wanted to take over the Ethics Committee: Thanks, but no thanks.

Republicans: "None of us want to be on the ethics committee."

Ex-GOP House Member Reveals What Republican Lawmakers Say About Donald Trump In Private

"We're all secretly against Trump. But don't tell him we said that."

"We need somebody to say 'NO!' to the President, and we're all to cowardly to do it ourselves!"

Republican Impeachment Defense Claims Trump’s Ukraine Pressure Was Apolitical

House Republicans plan to argue that President Trump was acting on ‘genuine and reasonable’ skepticism of Ukraine and ‘valid’ concerns about possible corruption involving Americans, not political self-interest.

Basically, their defense consists of: "I heard the Ukraine had incriminating evidence on future opponent Biden, and sought to suppress it for ethical reasons."

"The Bidens are clearly to blame! If they weren't so guilty, Trump wouldn't have to be forced to intimidate other countries to look into them in the first place!"

Former White House economic adviser Gary Cohn told The Axe Files that he’s “concerned” that nobody is left in the White House with the “personality” to push back against President Trump.

“I am concerned that the atmosphere in the White House is no longer conducive, or no one has the personality to stand up to tell the president what he doesn’t want to hear.”

"We need somebody to say 'NO!' to the President, and we're all to cowardly to do it ourselves!"

"I'll detract from my crimes by pointing out all my other crimes!"

You laugh, but that IS essentially how he got elected.

There was a story posted that I can’t find that likened the Trump term to playing a card game.  Every once in awhile, a group of friends would gather around playing poker for the fun of it.  The winnings were modest, and strategy consisted of trying to find ways to tell whether someone was bluffing or not.

But the game was ultimately ruined with the addition of one kid, one rich kid, whose presence would wind up breaking the game.

Everybody else around the table had average funds, upping the ante to whatever was within their reasonable profit margin.  This rich kid would constantly up the ante far beyond whatever was acceptable, practically winning every game through brute force alone.  If someone bet 50 cents, the rich kid would bet $50 at every turn.  It didn’t matter if he had good cards or not - his sheer force made what was once a pleasant card game one of one-sided upmanship that was vile to play against.

And even if one of the players actually went through and called his bluff, the rich kid’s losses were so minimal he could afford to lose hundreds of times and not even feel a pinprick of remorse.

In a game, there has to be equality across the board for fairness.  That’s why featherweights don’t go up against welterweights.

That’s why it’s so refreshing to have Trump actually face consequences for his actions.  For the first time in his life, Trump is faced up against a threat he can’t scream, threaten, or bribe away.  He’s infected with Covid-19, and no matter how much he’ll attempt to play it down, it will continue to ravage his internal system, no matter how much drugs they pump him up with.  The crash when he comes down from the high will be tremendous.

Trump's inept handling of the Covid pandemic can be summed up in one simple sentence:

"Fission Maccomplished."