Past NAFTA

I've been too preoccupied with current events.  Lately, the news has left me unable to concentrate, and I've been looking back on newspaper archives while I still have time.  Going through them has shown some revealing political cartoons that are sadly just as relevant as they were twenty years ago today.

This process of going through old online newspaper files would be much easier if it wasn't for an annoying new feature that's severely cramped my style.  Recently, they've added a new feature to prevent computers from browsing those very same files for some reason.  Having to constantly confirm that I'm not a robot, and the screens becoming blank after scrolling and enlarging is a major demotivator.  I have to constantly recall which page I'm on, then refresh the page, make a mad dash for the numbered page the comics are in, enlarge the section, and hope I image capture enough for posterity.  Not to mention that by the time I'm done, I won't be able to browse the rest of the comics page as well.

With that little rant out of my system, I've been going through the microfiche archives of my newspaper, and among other comics, there was the Sunday feature called Drawn and Quartered that would feature a whole page of political cartoons from multiple newspapers.  They were visually interesting, even as the subject matter was beyond my ability to understand.

Some of them had Movie posters of Brian Mulroney.


Other political cartoons covered a wide breath of subjects (usually revolving around the Middle East), showing that for all the passage of time, things haven't changed much.

Racist cops...

Kavanaugh confirmation...

Brexit...

Saddam Hussein's origins...

President Hillary...

Fighting Nazis.

Probably the biggest issue is this one, which shows how enthusiasm for politics can die down after in a politically motivated election period, which may be why polling takes place during the end of the year, when the weather gets colder, as temperaments likewise cool off, and apathy settles in.

With all the insanity that's taking place, one of the most recent piece of news that affects Canada is the renegotiation of NAFTA, renamed as USMCA, which is just NAFTA under a different name, putting America first.

Before Trump came along, NAFTA was generally regarded as a good deal, having equal trading between three countries, so it was surprising to see that it was seen as a potentially disastrous proposal at first.



Part of the underlying fear was that Canada didn't have much to offer in return for American products, and would be taken advantage of.







Mexico doesn't exactly come off in a good light, and in the end, it all comes down to American values.

French Gorey Limericks

Recently, there was a preview of the latest MAD article that was a satirical take on Edward Gorey's Gashlycrum Tinies that's giving some mad respect for what was an out-of-date franchise that had largely fallen out of favor for its pandering to a clientele that relied more on gross tasteless jokes than thoughtful humourous look at the world.  In a world that had largely supplanted the influences from MAD and made them their own, the magazine was in danger of approaching irrelevancy.

Enter its renewal as a quarterly magazine, where it would try to focus on quality of Yetch! humour at a controlled pace, and the results are... kind of a mixed bag.  For most people, the quality level of MAD is dependable on how old you were when introduced to it, which artists were available, and how much you related to the parodies.

The Gorey parody is notable for its unflinching look at gun violence, but it wasn't the first time MAD tried to raise issue to the firepower problem.  It's certainly a far cry from when they refused to run a certain Fold-In for being "too controversial."  In the back of issue #520 June 2013, this was what was supposed to appear.

And when you folded the two images (or put one hand over the other and filled in the blanks), this was the result:

This happened around when there was a mass shooting at a movie theater, and the advertisers apparently were scared that this kind of disturbing imagery might discourage customers from going to the movies in the first place.  Nevermind that there are far more attractive outlets and easier ways to feed your viewing habits elsewhere, preferably from the comforts of your home.

When it comes to showing lighthearted commentary of Gothic darkness, Gorey tributes seem to be the way to go.  My only other contribution to Edward Gorey was from my parody of The Doubtful Guest in a Garfield setting.

I was thinking of Gorey's books recently, and only just decided to go about translating some of the French limericks from The Listing Attic, in the first Amphigorey book.  They'd been driving me nuts not knowing what they were saying, and I finally bit the bullet and Google-translated them.

For some, finding the proper rhyme was simple, but for others, it was much more complex.  I had to constantly rearrange the wording and sentence structure to make everything fit, while retaining the spirit of the message.

Yes, I know "uncomfortablist" isn't a real word, but rules are hardly strictly adhered in the realm of poetry.  What matters is that the chosen rhymes make the reader laugh, even if some lines have to get butchered in the process.

As you can see, I had to remove the line of the monk stabbing himself in the butt to make the last line work.  As tricky as that was, the one below gave me the biggest struggle, as I didn't know what "genièvre" meant, thinking it was "Juniper".  The bottle in the man's pocket was a big clue, and I deducted it must be Gin.  I looked up a long list of alcoholic drinks to try to find a brand that would rhyme with other words in the stanza, before realizing I was overthinking it, and decided to go for simplicity instead.  I also felt the preceding preemptive lines were too quick and short, and decided to slightly lengthen them.

You can judge the results for yourself, but if you think you can come up with something more accurate and better, be my guest.

What a Lovely Little Fridge Door

After the disastrous events of last month, Eugene and Noodles get to enjoy a moment of relative calm, complete with singing rocks and living noodles.


Nothing of terrible significance here... save a moment of shocking honesty that comes completely out of the blue, yet isn't that uncharacteristic.

And for reference, this is a Male Raccoon expressing his fondness for a male alien worm.

I'm only including these images because Noodles happened to show his head on the upper-left hand side of the page.

Even though the events from the last few weeks should be routinely forgotten, Noodles is still rather naive.




Next month - a shocking development that will shake the foundations of The Fridge Door, after which, nothing will ever be the same again.

Remember the Caine!

Recently, there's been more and more references to comparing the current Presidential Administration to the Caine Mutiny, where an increasingly unbalanced and paranoid Captain Queeg's position of command is taken over against his will.  Gee, I wonder why?

While rewatching the movie, there were several factors that jumped out at me that went unnoticed at first.  It occurred to me that there were several things that would be completely different if it were made today.  There's going to be minor spoilers for a 60+ year-old movie, the general audience primary point of knowledge would be the MAD satire (back when it was first in colour, and issue number was in the double digits), who many would vastly prefer over the source material.

First off, the main major complaint that I'm sure many people would have is that the Romantic subplot is totally superfluous, distracting, and could be cut out entirely without missing anything of substance.  I'm sure there are people who've internally memorized the whole crew present during the "Strawberry Incident", but for the life of them, can't recall the Girlfriend's name.

The movie starts out with a clean-cut boy of high standing graduating from University who has great expectations and high ambitions, and is slightly embarrassed to be dating a girl who's a dancer.  Upon being drafted into the Navy, he suddenly finds himself onboard a naval M*A*S*H boat of sloppy organization and slipshod crewmanship, well below his expected standards.

Dismayed at the conditions of the minesweeper going through the motions, and annoyed at being punished despite trying his best compared to the lackluster behavior of the crew.  Willie is secretly delighted when he finds out the current Captain is going to be replaced with someone with more experience - someone who'll make the ship shipshape.  That is, until Captain Queeg starts exhibiting irrational behavior ranging from being easily distracted by miniscule details (focusing on a soldier's shirt tails over the circular route of a ship cutting their towline), overly controlling, punishing the crew for minor infractions, and ordering a stripdown over a key he already knows doesn't exist.

While Queeg's actions seem excessive, they're waived by his impressive history of past naval knowledge and experience... which is completely glossed over.  You'd have to read the book to know that, but none of that knowledge comes across onscreen.

So naturally, from the displays of cowardice, irrationality and general failure of winning over the hearts of the crewmen who've had it far too easy with their previous Captain, Queeg fails to inspire loyalty.  There are whispers of Queeg being mentally imbalanced, paranoid, and playing with Freudian steel balls.  And his actions don't help much when he freezes up when the fragile ship is assaulted during a typhoon, save for remaining insistent on staying on course, which could potentially put the whole ship in jeopardy.  So then the first mate decides to mutiny there and then.

And then the focus shifts away from Willie to Maryk, leaving the main active character into being an impartial passive observer.  Not very many movies would take that route.

If the Caine Mutiny were being remade today, Humphrey Bogart would still be dead.  But more than that, the primary identifiable character wouldn't be the straight-laced Willie, it would be Maryk.  After all, he's admittedly "not that smart", and was easily manipulated by Keefer to record Queeg's increasingly irrational behavior.  It's Maryk who's the one on trial for insubordination, not Willie.

For the longest time, I was confused because Maryk wasn't anywhere close to sounding like Van Johnson.  That was until I realized that he was named after the Actor, and not the character.  Much like how Jack, the Nameless Protagonist in Fight Club (I am Jack's utter lack of surprise), was re-Christened Edward Norton in some captioned versions of the cult movie.

As far as I can tell, Willie's main function is to show his transition from breaking away from his domineering parents.  (His father was the one who pulled strings in the background so he'd have a 'respectable' Captain)  And early on, when he was serving under Captain DeVries, he continually made mistakes that got him reprimanded, because he was undermined by men who didn't respect him. At the very end, he was asked what it'd be like to work for a crew that was constantly under-appreciating and undermining his work ethics.  He admitted that anybody under those conditions would be subject to great strain, clearly speaking from experience.

But those details are lost in a sea of irrelevant details.  The audience is expected to recall that scene of seemingly insignificance where Willie complained to Captain DeVries that would be washed away in comparison to the more memorable Captain Queeg moments.  The problem is, in between those scenes are the Romance subplots that as I mentioned before, distract from the issue, don't really go anywhere, and create artificial drama.  If the remake concentrated solely from the viewpoint of Maryk, it would be a vastly marked improvement, alongside the likes of A Few Good Men.

Hollywood Filmmakers nowadays generally pander to a lower common denominator, and Maryk would certainly fit the bill.  He's well-meaning, but gullible to armchair psychiatry, and doesn't find out just exactly how he's been fooled after the fact.  And there's the heightened factor of personal risk, when the audience is invested in someone from the start.  These traits would be a strong convincing argument for why Maryk should be the central character.

Losing Willie's personal opinion wouldn't be much of a loss in this trade-off.

Grading on the Curves

“WHERE IS HE?!”

The audiable roar of an angry teenage girl could be heard roaring throughout the hall outside the faculty room.  Inside, the teacher felt a pang of fear, knowing exactly what this disturbance was about.

The door bust wide open from the girl’s exaggerated strength which only seemed to increase with every passing second.

“Oh, hello,” the teacher said, nonchantly greeting the furious teen, having regained his composure.

“Don’t act all so innocent!  I just read the latest news!” she said, holding up the latest edition of the evening papers.  The headline screamed “TOKYO MEDICAL UNIVERSITY WOMEN’S EXAMS INTENTIONALLY LOWERED”.

“There weren’t enough men being admitted to being doctors, so women’s test scores were lowered to make up for the loss.” the teacher said, explaining the headline, as if she didn’t understand.

“I already KNOW that!  But then, I thought, did you do the same thing with me?”

“You have to understand.  It was for the greater good.”

“Don’t play innocent!  When I failed my last exam, you comforted me at my moment of weakness!  And what was it you said?”

“You would probably be better off as a housewife anyways”, a flashback appeared in the background.

“Do you have any idea how humiliating that was?  It was as if you were saying that all my effort amounted to nothing.  That my mind wasn’t something to be appreciated.”

“I was saving you the hardship of being constantly feeled up and ignored in the largely male-dominated areas of research where you’d be put down on a daily basis, then quit and become a housewife anyways.”

“Maybe that’s because there’s hardly ANY women allowed in these fields, which would explain why their numbers are so low!  And what you’ve described is hardly any different from how I’m living NOW.  What was the REAL reason you kept lowering our scores?”

“It was felt that if the girls were seen doing better than the men, it would be a severe blow to their self-esteem - ”

“THEIR self-esteem?!  What about MY self-esteem?!  I spent every second of my free time on my studies!  Time that I could’ve been doing other things!   Reading!  Relaxing!  Texting!  Gaming!  Having fun with my friends!  And what did I get for all my efforts?  A slightly lower mark than the consistent top rankers.  What were my ACTUAL test scores?”

“That’s priviliged information.  You’re not allowed to know those ahead of time.”

She looked at the teacher with pure undisguised disgust on her face.  “For a society that places extreme value over school marks, this is an unjust abuse of the system.”

“Look, the Medical University need more doctors.  Too many women were entering the field and not enough men.  Besides, a woman is better qualified to be a nurse.”

“So have the women be doctors, and let the men be nurses.”

“Are you kidding?!  That’s a woman’s job!”

“Only because you let it be.”