Weird Romance - Ernie's Pretty Birds

Bud Grace of Ernie Fame just announced that he's retiring his long-running cult comic on February 3rd of next year.  For those who still devotedly follow his comic, this is something of a mild shock.  Newspaper comics are no longer the merchandising bonanza they once used to be, and his comic never really broke the public consciousness.  That, and his comic felt like it was just spinning its wheels, even as it renamed itself The Piranha Club in a vain attempt to attract more potential clients who liked Uncle Sid as a main character.  Guess what??  It didn't work.

That said, there are some truly weird - and I mean WEIRD stuff that happened early on that the recent batch of Piranha Club strips fail to recapture.

Now, this comic above showed on the 23rd, but the next one below didn't return back to the petshop until the 27th.  For the sake of coherence, I've left out the irrelevant comics involving Ernie's girlfriend talking shop.






For this, some context is going to be needed.  In case it wasn't already obvious, Uncle Sid is a notorious cheapskate, who constantly fosters off of his nephew Ernie, and eats meals from Effie, a sweet senile old lady who's gone through at least five husbands, and constantly mistakes Ernie or Uncle Sid for one of them.

If it were just a case of mistaken identity, Uncle Sid could leech off Effie all he wanted.  But there's just one minor inconvenience.  Effie has a tendency to create creative recipes that makes thrown-up garbage look appetizing.  Still, he continues to scarf the food down, just because it's free.  In terms of scrimping for money, he makes Uncle Scrooge look like a skinflint.  (May be a match for another notorious cheakskate, though)



I switched the above 6th and 7th of July strips around, so it'd flow better.  Until I pointed out this detail, I doubt you'd ever know the difference.


You know, Uncle Sid, that condemnation wasn't intended to be taken as a challenge request.  But this minor setup is worth it for what has to be the funniest following comics in all of Ernie's history:


After that, it settles down into a rhythm with the rare 3-panel comic.

And just to complicate matters further, Uncle Sid shows up to reluctantly claim rights over his so-called "love" of his life.  Well, not so much "proclaim", as just "show up and outlast the competition".





This would be considered something of a weak way to resolve the conflict, so here's another short mini-arc where Barnacle Bill started hitting on Ernie's girlfriend instead.


Well, maybe "hitting on" is the wrong choice of words.  It's Doris who instigates her affections, right in front of her reluctant boyfriend yet.  Either she was just displaying fondness for animals, or trying to make him jealous.  Take your pick.



Sadly, I can't seem to find the Saturday comic that comes right after this, but it'd be hard to top this finisher.

A Handshaking Primer

There was much preamble made about Donald's infantile power grab to assert dominance by yanking the shakee's arm in his general direction, and holding their sweaty palms an uncomfortably longer time than usual.  That strategy completely fell apart in the presence of Justin Trudeau.  (A well-described Epic Standoff summarized here) If there's one thing Canadians can't be faulted on, it's not knowing Americans better than they know themselves.

And then there was his outright refusal to shake the hand of Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor.  There was speculation that he didn't want to touch a woman who wasn't a perfect 10, or helping him down stairs.  But it's also possible he was shaken after Trudeau beat Trump's handshaking strategy by his own hands.  After being humiliated like that, why risk making yourself look foolish again?

Of course, all this boils down to a simple case of handshaking ignorance, since there's no course on the proper way to shake someone.  I haven't had much experience in this, but the few instances I've had suggests that there's a large void of information on what should be a very basic act.

First off, most people tend to just limply offer their hands in a floppy manner, letting it languish in the shaker's grip.  This is wrong.  You're not supposed to merely shake from the wrist alone.

A good proper shake should originate from the shoulder, energetically pumping at the elbow like you're drawing water from an old pump.  The recommended length of time is three to six shakes, releasing after a scant five seconds after the activity's over.  Pleasantries can be exchanged during this action; and lingering longer with someone who's not your secret lover should be avoided.  It also shouldn't be considered a power move to intimidate, crushing the shakee's hand.  Unless both parties are of considerable or equal strength.

Furthermore, the palms of the hands should be firmly placed between the hollow of the other's palm.  Using the same hand (Left hand & left hand, Right hand and right hand) is preferred, but not the mirrored image. Otherwise, unfortunate implications and injuries might occur.  Unless you're heavily engaged in elaborate welcoming / farewell reception rituals, involving high slaps and synchronized gestures that only members "in the know" would recognize, the general reception should be to keep it basic.

Extra tip - wiping down the other person's sweat in open view is also considered bad manners, though I've never seen anybody openly do that.

Incidentally, I had a panel I intended to use, from Archie's Dennis the Menace ripoff, Pipsqueak Visits the Farm, but was unable to find it, on account of having given the digest said comic was in away, confident I wouldn't need it again.  (Hindsight is always 20/20)  Ironically, for a lackluster comic, it contained an extremely rare instance of a mutual handshake done properly without any comedic elements added to it.  Anybody who has a physical copy on their shelves will know what I'm talking about.

The Scope of Monkey Trials

Bud Grace's Ernie is one of the... stranger cult Newspaper comics available on the Funny Pages.  Later renamed The Piranha Club years later, after tricking the titular character in selling Yak Butter in Outer Mongolia.  It's vastly popular in Sweden, but a virtual unknown in the United States, save for a few fans here and there.

It certainly would gain more of a wider following if it wasn't so consistently Un-Politically Correct.  But so much of the fun comes from seeing how much the cartoonist tries to get away with.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.  In this storyline, the constantly put-down character, Ernie, decides to reduce his workload by having helper monkeys (or Monk-Eaze) in his apartment.

The story is already available online with higher-quality images (halfway down the link provided) but I'll be damned if I'm going to let my efforts go to waste.  If this seems redundant, keep in mind that this isn't exactly usual reader fare.  So Much of the first panels of Ernie strips are constant recaps of what's just happened the day before, because it's so unusual in the first place.

So very often, we're confident that Alien Civilizations would be able to easily communicate with us, no problem, despite the fact that our English Language is filled with contradictions, bastardizations of other languages, and a constantly evolving alphabet.  By that logic, we should be able to talk to animals like Dr. Dolittle, only with a Human accent.

And even if you DO manage to communicate with said animals in their own language, it's not always clear if they'll understand what you want and expect from them.

Ernie's Landlady, Effie is a senile woman who's been married 8 times, who has a tendency to cook the most unusual inedible meals consisting of various animal parts.

Believe it or not, a monkey is the Least of the Weirdest things Effie's cooked so far.  Many years later, she would attempt to cook a Gorilla, with less favorable results.

Strangely enough, this rare Sunday comic wasn't available in the above link, but seen elsewhere on the artist's site.  I included it here for relevance.

"NO FRATERNIZING WITH THE HELP!"
"You should've clarified that first."
"I SHOULDN'T NEED TO STATE THE OBVIOUS."
"Obviously, you need to."

Ernie's Uncle Sid is the consistent scene-stealer in the comic, who's essentially a conman in human form.  when he's not charging his cousin exuberant fees for shady deals or ripping off Elderly Ladies out of their life savings, and seeking ways to pinch a penny beyond it's expected life expectancy, seeking out the cheapest possible items on the menu... he's not doing much otherwise.  Considering his constant stinginess, you'd think he'd be rolling in the dough, but he seems to be more interested in wasting his moolah on gambling and beer.

The day of the Shotgun Wedding arrives (sans shotgun) and Ernie goes through the rituals in order to make a honest man (monkey) out of Carruthers.

Of course, Ernie's patience has its limits, and even he decides that he's had enough, and wants no further part of something he didn't want in the first place.  Hey buddy, you bought those Monkeys, you brought it upon yourself.

Fortunately enough, things have a way of resolving themselves out without their involvement.

However, this wouldn't turn out to be the last we'd hear from these Monkeys.  A scant four months later, the monkeys would return just as Ernie was in the midst of trying to convince his dowdy clingy Girlfriend that he's not worthwhile Boyfriend material.  (With lackluster results)

This later stuff wasn't included on the artist's blog (unless I haven't looked that far ahead), so consider this all-new material.

Never one to turn a profitable offer down, Sid takes on the role from Preacher to discount Lawyer.


The coffee is actually the least outrageously overpriced item on the fined list.  Uncle Sid once charged Ernie for multiple features (including the rear-view mirror and spare tire) on a broken rental moving truck.  (The left tire was missing)

"Be sure to speak loud and clearly for the clients and Jury."

And like last time, the problem is resolved by taking the path of least resistance.

Usually, throwing money at a problem doesn't make it go away, but it seems to work out in Uncle Sid's favor.  The bonus side is that he has very low resistance to straight-up cash.  It'd be almost insulting if he weren't so easy.