Sunday, June 12, 2011

Grunty's Final Battle

In addition to all the rhymes in Banjo-Kazooie, I also went to the trouble of going through all the various permutations that Grunty went through while fighting the bear and bird. Since she only fights you once, but there are five different sayings she's likely to spout, you'll only see one of them. Not to mention that while you'll likely see the first few stages early on, the later ones become increasingly rarer. The only way to see her last spell before she tumbles off the tower is to reset the game before she hits bottom. That's the only way to replay against her without starting from square one.

I can’t believe that furry pair
Got right up here, it’s so unfair!
But now the stupid bear must fight,
This battle tests your skill and might!

Those are the opening lines when you first fight Gruntilda. However, if you lose, and you re-enter the arena, she'll spout any of the following:

-I’m not one to brag or boast,
But after this you’ll both be toast!
-So you’re back, you must be thick,
Again you’ll lose, I’ll make it quick!
-Who’s back up here, oh my word,
It’s beaky fool and hairy nerd!
-I can’t believe you’re back again,
Stupid bear and dim bird brain!
-Back once more, you never learn,
That suits me fine, your butts I’ll burn!

In addition, she'll also say a particular taunt when she succeeds in hitting you. In order to see these, you've got to let yourself get hit. Better get that honeycomb after every phase!

-Did you hear that lovely clack?
My broomstick gave you such a whack!
-Hopeless bear runs to and fro,
But takes a whack for being so slow!
-See the swoop and how I flew,
My broomstick made a meal of you!
-Mmm I see you took that one,
A few more and your life is gone!
-Ah, I see it makes you sad,
To know your skills are really bad!

When you get a hit on her by pecking her broomstick, she'll say any of these:

-Ouch my gut you nearly hit,
If your shot was down a bit!
-Ouch my butt, it’s now quite sore,
I’ll make you suffer, that’s for sure!
-Now you’ve got me in a fluster,
Faster spells I’ll have to muster!
-A glancing blow, nothing more,
Now I’ll knock you through the floor!
-What was that, you got me now,
You’ve really angered this old cow!

After each phase, she'll cast a homing spell that'll only be deflected by the Golden Feathers. If you get hit instead, you'll hear any of the following:

-Grunty’s fireball you did kiss,
You’re so slow I can hardly miss!
-My fiery blast you just tasted,
Grunty’s spells on you are wasted!
-These bolts fly with such a whizz,
I love the way they screech and fizz!
-Simply put I’m rather proud,
Your yelps and screams I heard quite loud!
-I hit the bird right on her beak,
Let that be the end of her cheek!

After that, she'll still move onto the next phase of phrases:

-That last whack did clip my ear,
But you can’t get me over here!
-Ahh, it’s time for me to change
My spot, to put me put of range!
-It’s too easy, so I fear,
Now watch me step things up a gear!
-Don’t hit me, that’s quite enough,
I think you’ll find the next bit tough!
-This spot is proving rather rough,
I’ll have to move to make it tough!

In the second phase where she's lobbing fireballs, Grunty will say one of these if she hits you:

-Hah you took another zap,
I got you through that little gap!
-Hear that fireball fizz and bang,
Your hairy butt took quite a clang!
-So I got your there once more,
I knew your skill was very poor!
-That last blast you forgot to duck,
So Banjo’s useless head it struck!
-Oh I got you once again,
Its nice to see a bear in pain!

When you manage to egg her face enough times, Grunty'll say any of the following:

-Ooof, I took another whack,
But watch me give you double back!
-That isn’t fair, I wasn’t ready,
I feel all faint and unsteady!
-That didn’t hurt, I feel no pain,
Grunty’s back to fight again!
-I can’t dodge with all this weight,
Those eggs of yours I sure do hate!
-Argh I’m slow with all this lard,
That egg of yours caught me off guard!

After all this, it's time for another homing spell.

-It’s now time to end your fun,
Here comes a spell you can’t outrun!
-Spell of Banjo homing,
Get him now to stop his roaming!
-See this spell, I’m sure you’ll find,
Its target will be your behind!
-Here’s my magnet spell at last,
Hide and run you won’t get past!
-Magic spell, seek out your prey,
It’s sure to hit, O happy day!

Then it's time for the third phase, where Grunty decides to use longer-range attacks.

-A big old gal I just may be,
But when I fly you won’t get me!
-Now I’m off into the air,
Leaving Banjo stuck way down there!
-Off I fly, ‘cuz then we’ll see,
If you can get the best of me!
-Up in the air I’ll be safe,
At my leisure your butts I’ll strafe!
-See my broomstick, watch me fly,
I’ll beat your butt, don’t even try!

Too bad that Bottles decides to help a little. The replenshing feathers and eggs around the rooftop don't help either.

Not too bad Banjo!
-Now use your arial skills against the old buzzard with this fly pad!
-Quick, use this fly pad to get up there and teach her a lesson!
-Hey Banjo, the old hag’s taken to the air! This fly pad should be of some help!

After Bottle's pep talk, Grunty reverts to trash-talking again.

-Old Bottle brain has taught you well,
But bears don’t fly and I can tell!
-See me swoop and watch me dive,
You’ve not long left to stay alive!
-Soon you’ll lose and when you’re gone,
I have to go and use the john!
-Another hit, that’s how it goes.
Watch me fly and pick my nose!
-Did you know I learned to fly,
At Witch’s school, you can see why!

If she succeeds in intimidating you, she'll say any of these:

-Another hit you took once more,
Please lose soon I’m saddle sore!
-This broom is hard and as it streaks
Across the sky, it chafes my cheeks!
-Fireballs fizz and fireballs fly,
Blast that bear out of my sky!
-Grunty’s spell your body numbs,
An easy task to hit these bums!
-I hold on hard and grit my teeth,
To stop me dangling underneath!

However, if you look past her bravado and zoom in on her butt, she'll say this:


No, she'll say these instead:

-Yoww that beak gave me a jolt,
So you can have this lightening bolt!
-Oooh you snivelling little pup,
Have this bolt, I’m speeding up!
-Arrgh, you got me once again,
Prepare to take this sizzle brain!
-Ouch, now that one really stung,
Take this nasty spell I’ve brung!
-Another hit, I’m getting weak,
I really need to take a leak!

After you've hit her enough times, Grunty'll get the wise idea of using magic to protect herself from any attacks.

-Look at me I’m quite a mess,
Here’s a shield to hide my dress!
-I may be old and rather wide,
But underneath this spell I’ll hide!
-That pointy beak did not miss,
But let’s see it get through this!
-So Grunty doesn’t come to grief,
Here’s a spell I can hide beneath!
-A special shield I need to call,
To stop your hits once and for all!

While you're running around wondering how to possibly get past this impentrable defense, several Jingo statues pop up.

-Grunty captured us Jinjos, now we come for revenge!
-Our new friends are in trouble! We Jinjos will help you!
-For setting us free, us Jinjos come to help our friend Banjo!
-Nice bear and bird saved Jinjos from the Witch, now we help!
-Nasty witch speak too soon, Jinjos come to help bear and bird!

True to its fairy-tale motif, saving all those animals (what species are they??) will grant you greater rewards later on.

-So your little furry friends
Come here to share your bitter end!
-Useless Jinjos sneer and hoot,
Go back right now or taste my boot!
-I hid those Jinjos really well,
But must have used a lousy spell!
-I hid you well for being bad,
Don’t help the bear, you’ll make me mad!
-Come on then you little punks,
Grunty’s spells will make you chunks!

You've still got to put eggs in the statues to make them work though. If Grunty fires on you (and she will) she'll say any of these:

-Your silly friends upon their blocks,
Are going to take a couple of knocks!
-Your Jinjos really are a joke,
Now watch your lives go up in smoke!
-Your stupid friends aren’t much help,
Standing there while I make you yelp!
-Another hit I can’t believe,
You didn’t dodge, why don’t you weave!
-Get used to that, there’s plenty more
Of other nasty spells in store!

When these bear-birds (I think they're bear-birds) rise from their pedestals and hit the witch, she'll say:

-Oooh...those nasty beaks
Are causing swellings in my cheeks!
-Hey, that Jinjo really hurt,
I’ll now rub you in the dirt!
-How that Jinjo stung and burned,
He got me when my back was turned!
-That’s not fair, I wasn’t ready,
Jinjos make me so unsteady!
-Don’t hit me you flying pig,
My anger is now growing big!

After her broomstick's reduced to splinters that don't grow back and fill buckets with water, Grunty will try to remain indignant in defeat:

-Useless broomsticks I can’t stand,
It’s left me stranded back on land!
-That last shot I failed to stop,
So down onto the ground I’ll drop!
-Ooof, you’ve winded me all around,
To catch my breath I’m on the ground!
-I bet you thought you got me beat,
But look I’ve landed on my feet!
-My broomstick failed with that last blow,
Now on my legs I’ll have to go!

However, her shield is still active, making counterattack impossible. That's when an extra-large statue pops up on the battlefield. (How do all these things show up? Flying pads, Jingo statues, and now...)

I am the mighty Jinjonator, activate me...

-That’s no good you stupid jerk,
The Jinjo statue will not work!
-What’s all this, how dare you cheat,
But I don’t care, I can’t be beat!
-Even with your extra friend,
I know you’ll meet a nasty end!
-That rocky moron can’t hurt me,
‘Cuz Grunty will the winner be!
-I really think you ought to run
When I beat him and spoil your fun!

At this point, if you've been taking at least one hit per round, but still filling up on honeycombs after every phase, you should still be healthy enough to hear another of Grunty's taunts.

-Hear the fizzle and feel the pain,
You’re gonna lose a life again!
-The bear is dumb, the bird’s a ‘twit,
‘Cuz I just got another hit!
-Grunty’s aim is rather good,
If you could run I know you would!
-Spells rain down upon your head,
You stand no chance when I see red!
-I’m just warming up right now,
Such fine shots from this old cow!

After you've powered up the Jingonator, Grunty looks a little nervous, but still confident, defiant to the bitter end.

-There’s no way he’ll shift my bulk,
I watch you cry and have a sulk!
-I could take these shots all day,
There’s no way I’m going to sway!
-See your Jinjo fail to work,
He’s nothing but a feeble jerk!
-Grunty’s strength will see me through,
When Jinjo’s gone, I’ll batter you!
-Your crafty plan stands no chance,
I’m firmly rooted in this stance!

These are her famous last words before toppling off the tower. You've got a one in five chance of seeing any of these. It can be really annoying going all this way only to hear something you've already seen.

-I’m done for now, hear me choke,
But look what I’ve got up my cloak!
-That last Jinjo has finished me,
But who laughs last, we shall soon see!
-It’s all over I can tell,
But Grunty’s got just one more spell!
-Poor old Grunty set to fall,
Upon this spell I’ll now call!
-Arrgh I’m beaten fair and square,
Before I go I’ve this to share!

It's worth mentioning that if you don't free any Jinjos in Banjo-Twoie, you get a slightly different scene involving the Jingo King being all alone. It's tricky to get to Grunty's cannon without touching a single Jingo, but it can be done. However, I've never been able to replicate the cinema scene, possibly because I've been spoiled from using the double-speed cheat code, and can't stand running at normal speed. There might be some kind of glitch that prevents me from seeing it.

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